


Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing

by PumpkinRiver



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Drugs, Homophobia, Multi, PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-23
Updated: 2010-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-07 06:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinRiver/pseuds/PumpkinRiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One event can change the life of everyone involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in chapters this is an attemp to write about the effect of an event both from the characters' personal viewpoints but also a social one. It is stylistically influenced by Memento, Irreversible, the Firefly episode 'Out of Gas' and more than anything Rashômon and therefore the timeline is all over the place.

**Scene One**

"Good afternoon. I'm Ryan Seacrest and this is E! News. Fears are growing today for Adam Lambert after footage appeared on youtube showing a brutal and violent attack on him. E! News has been unable to reach anyone for a comment. The video, quickly removed by youtube and handed over to the police, shows Lambert being attacked by five masked men in what appears to be a hate crime. Experts that have studied the video state that it appears to be genuine. They are currently examining the footage to try and find a lead on the perpetrators of the attack. We are unable to show the video while it is being examined but ask that anyone with any information come forward as soon as possible.

No one has seen or heard from Lambert since Monday night, the estimated date of the attack, and worries about his whereabouts are increasing. Lambert’s immediate family have been unreachable for comment as has Lambert’s former American Idol rival and friend Kris Allen. Hopefully this means that he is in their care and healing from the attack. We at E! wish to send our prayers out to Adam and his family and friends at this time.

On a personal note, throughout American Idol I got to know Adam quite well and I want to say that any attack of this nature on him was definitely unprovoked and disgusting in its nature. I hope and pray that he turns up safe and in the company of those who care for and love him.”****

 

** Scene Two   
**

**Monday 9:00am**

“So Vegas huh?”  
"Morning Adam.”

Adam was sat on his couch dressed in jogging bottoms and an old and faded Zeppelin T-Shirt. The morning newspaper was opened on his lap and he was skimming it for anything interesting. He turned the pages with one hand while the other held the phone up to his ear.

“Vegas Kris.”  
“Yes I’m going to Vegas.”  
"And you didn’t invite me.”  
“It’s a work thing. We’re only staying the night because it’s easier to get back to LA in the morning than after the gig.”  
“And you didn’t invite me.”  
“We’re not here to party Adam.”  
“So you’ll go straight to bed after playing?”  
“Well as I’m here…but that isn’t _why_ I’m here.”  
“So it’s not your only plan but it’s still one of your plans.”  
“You have one day off in…what…three months and you think flying to Vegas for one night is how you want to spend it.”  
“You’re right, one night in Vegas sounds like an awful idea.”  
“It’s not even the whole band. It’s just me and Cale playing a very small acoustic set. You’d be bored.”  
“If the scenery’s that good it’s never going to be boring.”  
“Cale’s straight.”  
“And not my type but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the view.”

Giving up on even pretending to read it Adam closed the newspaper and placed it to one side.

“So Katy tells me you have Lil staying for a while?”  
“You’ve been talking to Katy?”  
“How do you think I knew you were going to Vegas!”  
“I tweeted it.”  
“Unlike some people I am not obsessed with twitter.”  
“Oh come on, you’re a little obsessed.”  
“Only when I’m drunk.”  
“And here was I believing your claims that you were sober that night.”  
“Moving on Kristopher…so Lil?”  
“Yeah, she’s got some recording time in LA and she doesn’t have a place here and it seemed silly for her to stay in a hotel when we have all those spare rooms.”  
“And you left her and Katy alone for the night?”  
“What’s wrong with that?”  
“Women talk.”  
“So?”  
“So Lil toured with you, Lil knows things.”  
“I didn’t do anything on tour that Katy doesn’t already know.”  
“What about that time in New England with the toilet…”  
“She wouldn’t!”  
“She might.”  
“…”  
“Oh come on it was funny.”  
“For you it might have been.”  
“Honey, for everyone.”  
“Not for me.”  
“A little for you.”  
“Maybe after but not at the time.”

Adam couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of Kris getting trapped in the toilet in the venue.

“You made it on stage in time.”  
“Only just. I thought I was going to have to perform from that stall.”  
“I would have loved to have seen the reviews of that.”  
“_Moving on_ Adam. You got any plans tonight for your one evening off?”  
“Well I’ve got nothing till the afternoon tomorrow when I have a radio interview so I thought I might go out.”  
“With who?”  
“Alisan might be around but I’m not sure, I think Cass is as well. But if they’re busy I’ll probably just go by myself. There are several places where I’m sure I’ll meet someone I know.”

There was a noise at the other end of the phone and Adam paused.

“They just called my flight, I’ve got to go.”  
“Well enjoy Vegas. And think on the fact that I’m not there and therefore your night is going to be considerably less exciting.”  
“I’m sure I’ll manage.”  
“Stay safe Kris. Don’t take candy from strange boys.”  
“I should probably be warning you of the same thing.”  
“I happen to like strange boys.”  
“Just try to not end up on the front cover of every newspaper tomorrow okay.”  
“Yes Mom.”  
“Your mother might object to that comparison.”  
“Well she is taller than you.”  
“I’m hanging up on you now.”  
“You’re a hard man Kristopher Allen.”  
“And don’t you forget it.”  
“Speak soon.”  
“Sure.”

Adam heard the dial tone and hung up the phone. Grabbing his cell phone he searched through the contacts and started calling his friends to see who was up for a night out.****

 

**Scene Three**

The Fusion pulled into the ally next to the bar Kris had named and Lil jumped out before Katy turned the engine off. The stench of urine, vomit, alcohol and more that hit her as soon as she opened the car door made her stomach turn, but she refused to let it stop her. The sound of a heavy base beat could be clearly heard originating from the bar and Lil couldn’t help but think that any sound made back here would go unheard inside. Katy quickly joined her and they scanned the area for any sign of life but the shadows created by dumpsters, fire escapes and poor lighting restricted their view. The two women moved further into the barely lit street looking frantically for the person they had been sent to find. The sound of something moving up ahead caught the attention of both and grabbing Lil’s arm Katy began pulling her towards the noise. 

“Adam?”  
“Baby you there?” 

They moved past the back entrance to the bar and next to its overflowing dumpster. Coming to the end of the dumpster Lil tentatively looked into the shadow it cast against the wall. Pressed right up to the side of the dumpster, back against the wall, was a figure curled into itself. 

His knees were pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped tight around them. In one hand was a broken bottle held protectively in front of him like a dagger. The bottle visibly shook as tremors coursed through his body. The darkness hid most of his features but blood and filth could be seen covering his face and torn clothes. A light coming from a window a few stories up illuminated his eyes and his terrified stare was clearly visible. 

Hearing them approach he looked sharply at the women, fear radiating from every pore, but neither Lil nor Katy saw any form of recognition. As his eyes landed on her Katy gasped and ran forward towards Adam. She pulled up short as the bottle thrust out wildly. 

“Stay away.” 

Adam’s voice shook, it was rough and scratchy, but his words were clear. Lil moved next to Katy but neither attempted to move any closer. The last thing they wanted to do was scare him more and it would help no one if he unknowingly hurt either of them. 

“Adam baby, it’s us.” 

Lil automatically spoke in the voice she used on her children when they were scared. It was soft and gentle but firm and most importantly it was motherly. 

“It’s Katy and Lil.” 

Katy automatically mirrored Lil’s tone as she spoke. She watched as the fear on Adam’s face was replaced first by confusion, then relief, and then finally shame. 

“Katy? Lil?”  
“Yes baby we’re here.”  
“What are you doing here?” 

He was so quiet that the women had to strain to hear him. 

“Kris called us.” 

A sigh, almost a sob, was forced out of Adam and he lowered the bottle to the ground. Now the danger was removed Katy and Lil both rushed forward and dropped to the ground beside him. From up close they could see more of the damage inflicted on their friend and it took everything Lil had not to vomit then and there. Instead she tried to make sure her face held nothing but concern and love. The smell was overpowering and they both struggled to keep themselves from reacting to it, from acknowledging it. 

Katy reached out to brush her hand across Adam’s cheek and he pulled back so quickly and violently that the dumpster jolted slightly. Katy removed the hand immediately and held both in front of her in a pacifying motion. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart. I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
“No I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t…you shouldn’t touch me, I’m filthy.” 

Katy blanched at the comment and Lil hoped, prayed, that Adam meant literally; that he was referring to the grime and gunge he was visibly covered in. 

“Adam…”  
“I really am. I…I wouldn’t want to get you dirty…you should…you should just not touch me okay.”  
“Well we don’t mind a bit of dirt do we Katy?”  
“No.”  
“It’s more than a bit.” 

Adam turned his head away from them in shame as he spoke. Lil gently reached out and took his chin in her hand and lifted it back towards them. She made sure she was looking him in the eye when she spoke. 

“Doesn’t matter baby, we don’t care.”  
“I care.” 

Lil removed her hand from Adam’s face, it came away sticky, and looked at Katy for support. 

“Oh darlin’, I’m so sorry but we’re going to have to touch you to help you to the car.”  
“I don’t want to get your car dirty.”  
“You’re more important than the car. I couldn’t care less about the car.”  
“Kris will get mad if I get it dirty.”  
“Kris won’t give two hoots about the car.”  
“He moaned at me for getting crumbs in it the other week.”  
“He won’t care, I promise you.” 

Adam searched Katy’s gaze for any hint that she was lying. Finding none he gave the smallest of nods.

“I want to go home.” 

Adam’s voice was small and vulnerable and close to tears. Lil reached forward and stroked Adam’s hair back off of his face. 

“We know baby we know.”  
“Come on darlin’, let’s get you home.” 

Lil and Katy both took one of Adam’s arms and gently pulled him from the ground. Katy wrapped an arm around Adam’s back to steady him but, unable to cope with the added weight, stumbled. Seeing the struggle Lil quickly moved and wrapped her arm around his other side. Together the three of them, Adam supported on either side, made the slow and painful walk back to the car. ****

 

**Scene Four**

“You mentioned as you came in that you had nothing to do after this. Why is that?”  
“I have no life here, my life was in New York, and now I’m here and it’s there and it’s not like it’s fucking boring doing nothing all day every day.”  
“If it’s boring have you tried changing it? Neil why do something that’s making you angry?”  
“Everything makes me angry! I’m always angry. Jesus fucking christ it’s like I always knew the world was shit, I was aware of this, but my brother had this sunny fucking outlook you know. I was the cynical one, NegativeNeil and all that shit, and he was the ‘hey look it’s a butterfly on my crotch’ one. He was always positive, even when he was pissed off, even when we were arguing, which yeah, was pretty much every time we were in the same room, but he was really fucking positive and now…”  
“And now what?”  
“And now he still is. He still has that, he still sees things in bright fucking colours. And so do I but I see those bright purples and blues he was covered in. I still see the bright oranges and yellows of the fire we threw his clothes on. He’s all ‘the world’s kinda shit so we have to make the best out of it and hope that those around us do as well’ and it’s Adam but then he won’t leave his house by himself, so, you know, it’s pretty fucking lucky he’s super famous because he has an excuse to always have someone else around you know. There’s a reason for the bodyguards and he can convince himself that he wouldn’t want them otherwise. He’s positive and still Adam but it’s false. I mean, it’s not, but it is. It’s who he wants to be, who he thinks he needs to be but I’m not sure it’s who is really is anymore.”  
“You seem to have put a lot of thought into Adam.”  
“Of course I have, I live with him, it’s hard not to. He takes up a lot of space you know, not just real space but all that space around you when you go out and some people take a lot of it…well he takes it all. I’m living there but it’s definitely still his house.”  
“Why are you still living there? It’s been seven months and he’s preparing a new tour and must barely be there. Why have you not gone back to New York?”  
“It took me two fucking days to get there. His best friend’s wife had to go and pick him up that night did you know that? He didn’t even call me. He didn’t call anyone in our family because what good would we have been, we were all elsewhere.”  
“But Adam’s job takes him all over the country, all over the world, you can’t always be there.”  
“But I can be there some of the time.”  
“If it had happened in New York you’d have been there.”  
“Well he’s rarely in New York so that’s less likely.”  
“Do you think he’d have wanted you there that night?”  
“Probably not but that doesn’t mean he’d have been right.”  
“Don’t you think that’s his decision?”  
“Not when he’s being a fucking moron.”  
“And do you think he was that night?”  
“YES!!....look….it wasn’t his fault, I’m not saying that, I don’t believe that at all!! It was all those motherfucking shit-weasels but……but he’d been…Christ I know it wasn’t his fault I know that but I can’t help it…if he’d just not gone out that night you know…if he’d kept his fucking mouth shut then maybe……maybe they’d have…but that’s stupid because they were looking for someone and so why not the most openly provocatively gay singer around at the time but…fuckers must have thought it was christmas…But shit I can’t help it, what it did to Mom!! She saw the video and…..christ on a fucking stick that was her son you know, that was her first born and to see that…day after day after day on all the fucking news programs and to hear some of the things people were saying. She just, she just…no one should have to go through that and if he hadn’t wanted to be famous than none of it would have ever happened and I’m a moron for even thinking it but it’s there and I see her face every time he flinches away, every time he spaces out for a while. And when he goes on tour in a few weeks, shit, she’s going to spend all her time worrying over him and so am I and I’m going grey now, he’s turning me fucking grey!! And just………FUCK!!”  
“Have you thought that maybe going back to the life you were building yourself might be good for you?”  
“I don’t really matter any more.”  
“Yes you do.”  
“Not in the grand scheme of things. I’m just a teacher, he’s the one who’s changing the world, the one who’s changing people’s perceptions.”  
“That doesn’t mean you don’t matter.”  
“No it doesn’t. But maybe I matter more by sticking with him. By helping him.”  
“We all need to be our own people Neil. Just think on it for me will you.”  
“Sure thing Doc."  
“I’m not going to ask you to call me Natalie again because I think you do that just to get a rise out of me.”  
“Have to get one out of someone.”  
“I thought Kris was your target?”  
“Kris is too fucking easy and too fucking good. It’s like taunting a puppy. Not cool.”  
“I’ll tell him you called him a puppy.”  
“So much for doctor patient privilege…so next week.”  
“Next week.”  
“See ya Doc.”  
“Bye Neil.”

 

**Scene Five **

“Hello. Hi. Thank you very much. Hi. Thank you. Thank you so much. You probably noticed that I didn’t dance on today. I know and I’m not going to bring us all down and I have some fantastic guests for you but I felt, I feel, like there’s something I need to address before we get to all that. 

Portia and I, like I’m guessing all of you, were unfortunate enough to see the video that’s going round the internet and the news programs of the attack on Adam Lambert. I know, I know, I feel the same way. I honestly don’t know what to feel apart from anger and sadness that a person can’t live their life in the United States of America in 2010 without fear of that kind of attack. It just makes me so mad you know. But, everyone has an opinion on it. People believe he was asking for it. People think that it’s Adam’s duty as a role model to come forward and talk about it. People want to use him as a martyr to their cause. And of course there are those who just want the gossip. Pretty much the only thing people can agree on is that he should not be ‘hiding’ as they are calling it. 

But what people seem to be forgetting is that this is a human being they’re talking about. I love Adam, you all know this, gosh that voice. But it’s more than that. I’ve met him a few times and he’s a sweet sweet man with an infectious laugh and an amazing sense of self. And I just want to say to Adam on the off chance that he’s watching, you take as long as you need. Don’t be pressured into anything by anyone. And to everyone else; give the boy a break! Leave his family alone, leave his friends alone. Talk about it yes, encourage your families to discuss the ramifications of such an attack, the reasons behind it, but quit with the entitlement. As Adam once said, “entitlement is not sexy”. You all showed me such love as I came on today can I ask you to send some out Adam’s way. Thank you all so much, I love you all. 

But as I said we have some amazing guests for you today….”****

 

**Scene Six  
**

It was still dark when the taxi pulled up to Kris’s house. He paid the driver and ran up to his front door. He didn’t open it. He didn’t know what to expect inside the house and he wanted to compose himself a little. It had been just over two hours since he had gotten Adam’s distressing phone call. Just over two hours since his world had shifted, since he had called Katy and begged her to go find Adam, to make sure that he was safe. 

By the time Kris had gotten off of the phone to Katy, Cale had already managed to get him a seat on the next flight from Vegas to LA. Rushing to the airport Kris had left everything in the hotel, Cale would sort it, and gotten straight on that plane. 

He had needed to be with Adam then and he needed to be with him now. Taking a breath Kris put his key into the lock, opened the door and entered his house. 

There was a light emanating from the kitchen so he made his way there first. The room smelt of air-freshener and washing powder. Lil was stood at the sink crying softly. A leather jacket was in her hands and she was desperately scrubbing at it. 

“Lil?” 

Having been unaware of his presence Lil jumped at the voice. She spun around to face Kris, tears streaming down her face. The despair in her eyes froze Kris where he stood. With the power of movement taken from him Kris was relieved when Lil stumbled forward and pulled him into a hug. 

After a minute or so Kris pulled away gently and moved further into the room. 

“Where’s Adam?”  
“Upstairs with Katy.” 

Lil sniffled a little and moved back to the sink. She picked up the jacket, pushed it back into the water, and started kneading it. 

Kris let out a sigh of relief at the answer. If Adam was upstairs and not in hospital it couldn’t be that bad. 

“So he’s okay?”  
“No Kris, he is most definitely not okay.” 

Her voice was hushed and clipped; angry at him for even suggesting such a thing. Kris heard the hitch in her voice and didn’t know what to do. He wanted to run up the stairs to Adam but he didn’t want to leave Lil crying alone in the kitchen. What he really wanted was to know what had happened. 

Moving towards the woman at his sink Kris was hit with a smell he couldn’t place. Stopping in his tracks Kris looked around the room and spotted a garbage bag on the floor next to Lil’s feet. 

“What’s that smell?”  
“Damn! I thought I’d fixed that.” 

Lil reached along the counter and picked up an air-freshener. Opening the garbage bag a little she sprayed into the bag and then quickly closed it again. Kris looked at her in confusion. 

“What’s in the bag?”  
“Adam’s clothes.” 

Lil went back to obsessively cleaning the jacket. 

“Why are Adam’s clothes in a garbage bag?”  
“Because we didn’t know what to do with them.”  
“Lil?” 

Lil stopped scrubbing the jacket but she didn’t turn and face Kris. He watched as her shoulders slumped and she hung her head. He could hear her breath beginning to hitch again. 

“They were…they…” 

Kris moved over to the bag and opened it. He was hit with a blast of ‘pine air’ air-freshener tinged with the unmistakable smell of urine. Kris closed the bag and staggered back into the island in the middle of his kitchen. He was suddenly finding it very hard to breath. 

“Why do Adam’s clothes smell of urine?” 

Kris could see Lil’s whole frame begin to shake. 

“Lil? Please!” 

Lil span around and Kris saw the anger in her face; the hate looked wrong on her. 

“Because they pissed on him Kris! They dragged him into that ally, beat the shit out of him and then they pissed on him while he was on the ground.” 

The words were whispered but they might as well have been shouted. Kris was pretty sure he was going to throw up. He needed to see Adam. 

Kris ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs before stopping at the door of the bathroom where he could hear movement. The sound of the shower running and Katy singing softly washed over him. Kris knocked. 

“Baby it’s me.”

Kris waited for the affirmation that he could enter before pushing the door open. 

“It’s just Kris sweetheart. Nothing to be scared of.” 

The reassuring tone in which Katy spoke nearly caused Kris to smile. The scene before him stopped that possibility dead. 

Katy had dragged one of their chairs into the shower. Adam was sat on it, barely supporting his own weight, wearing only a pair Kris’s boxer shorts. Kris would be forever glad that, although his trousers were now too tight for them, he still owned a few pairs of long and baggy boxers. Katy was stood behind Adam, wearing one of Kris’s shirts, gently washing Adam’s hair. She was being extra careful not to get any shampoo in Adam’s eyes and Kris could see her trying to avoid a cut on Adam’s temple. 

The bruises on Adam’s face and body were rapidly darkening. His eyes were closed but he was obviously aware of what was going on as his breathing increased as Kris moved towards the pair. Katy finished rinsing the last of shampoo from Adam’s head and then changed the position of the showerhead to stop it from spraying in his eyes. She made sure that the water was still covering Adam, keeping him warm, but it was no longer hitting his face. 

“There we go. All clean.” 

Stepping out of the shower Katy moved over and picked up a large fluffy towel, one of their new ones, from the radiator. Kris moved out of her way as she headed back to the shower and turned off the tap. She wrapped the towel around Adam’s shoulders before picking up another one and wrapping it around herself. Moving to the bathroom door Katy lent over placed a quick peck on Kris's lips, smiling sadly at him as she moved away. 

“Adam, are you going to be okay with Kris if I go and get you some dry clothes to wear?” 

A small nod of his head was Adam’s only response but it seemed enough to satisfy Katy and she promptly left the room. 

Adam opened his eyes and watched as Kris moved towards him. Reaching the shower Kris stopped unsure of what he should do but Adam took the decision out of Kris’s hands when he grabbed onto Kris and pulled him into a crushing hug. Kris wrapped his arms protectively around his friend. There was nothing else he could do.****

 

**Scene Seven **

**Monday 11:26am**

Adam moved around the bathroom collecting the different items he wanted for the bath. It wasn’t often he had a whole day off and he was going to make the most of it by revelling in the simple things he so rarely had the time for. Everyone thought that he took forever getting ready every day but that really wasn’t the case. When he didn’t have to make a public appearance he barely put any effort in. He always made sure he was clean, he was not going to go around dirty, but contrary to popular belief he wasn’t always on ‘girl time’. But given how infrequently he got the opportunity he did enjoy the chance to indulge in a bit of self pampering.

Holding all the shampoos, conditioners, body washes and everything else he thought he might want in his hands Adam cradled the phone between his chin and his shoulder. 

“Come on Ali, it’ll be fun.”  
“Really Adam I wish I could but I’ve got a meeting tomorrow about the possibility of getting some actual promotion for the CD and not just what I can scrounge together myself. You know I would otherwise.”  
“I know, I just miss hanging with you.”  
“Miss you too babyboy and where the hell are you? You sound like you’re inside a cave?”  
“Oh it’s just my bathroom.”  
“I swear to god Adam if you’re talking to me while you’re on the toilet!!!”  
“What? No! I’m getting ready for a bath.”  
“One of the epic baths?”  
“Might be.” 

Adam placed the everything in his hands on the side of the tub. He found the bathplug, placed it in the hole, and turned the tap on. Sitting on the edge of the tub Adam took the phone away from his shoulder with one hand and held the other under the flow of water to check the temperature.

“It’s times like this I envy you that place.”  
“Hun you always envy me this place.”  
“True true.” 

Satisfied with the temperature Adam stood up and left the bathroom. He made his way to his bedroom and started to take off his clothes. 

“But you’ll have your own place like this in no time.”  
“You bet your sweet ass I will.”  
“It is a very sweet ass.”  
“And don’t you forget it.”  
   
Adam moved back into the bathroom and slid into the tub. He let out a sigh as he immersed his body in the still raising water. 

“Did you just get in the bath?”  
“I did.”  
“Am I talking to a naked Adam Lambert?”  
“You are.”  
“I’m not sure my phone can take that much excitement.”  
“Well it is an exciting prospect.”  
“Although I think it’s probably less exciting than you’ve been led to believe.”  
“Are you trying to tell me the internet lies?”  
“Would I!”  
“You would.”  
“I know I would. But honey, I only break your bubble with love.”  
“It did feel like love as you tore away my delusion.”  
“I only bother tearing down the delusions of those I love. Those I don’t love can become as obnoxious as they like.  
“Well I’m glad to hear I’m not one of those.”  
“No need to worry babyboy, I’ll always bring you right back down to earth. Speaking of earth, isn’t it a fact that water and electricity don’t go together?  
“It is but that’s only a problem with lesser phones. This one is waterproof, listen.” 

Adam held the phone under the water for a few seconds before moving it back up to his ear. 

“See, good as new.”  
“And why would you possibly need waterproof phones!”  
“So I can have conversations like this.”  
“I do believe fame may have gone to your head.”  
“Nah, it’s the little eccentricities that make life fun.”  
“And you’d know more about eccentricities than most.”  
“I’m not so sure that’s a compliment.”  
“Neither am I but I love you anyway babyboy. I must be heading off though. So much to do before tomorrow.”  
“Yep, off with you. You have a career to break and I have a bath to enjoy.”  
“See you soon sweetie and enjoy tonight.”  
“You know I will. Stay safe Ali.”  
“You too babyboy.” 

Adam clicked the off button and placed the phone on the side of the bath. He lent forward and turned the tap off, stopping the water just before it started overflowing. Leaning back into the water Adam closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and just enjoyed being.****

 

**Scene Eight**

“I don’t pay a lot of attention to things like American Idol and these other shows where people with some form of talent compete because I’m very busy but last year even I couldn’t stay unaware of the gay guy Adam Lambert. He started on American Idol, I should mention he didn’t win instead losing to married Christian Kris Allen, but he took most of the press and caused a lot of fuss when he performed at the AMA’s with a routine many including myself found indecent and obscene. Well once again he has been making headlines this week not because of his talent but because of his sexuality after footage of him being attacked, outside a well known gay hangout, appeared on the internet. You can’t turn on the television or the radio or open a newspaper without hearing people’s opinions on this ruckus and the fact that no one has heard from or seen him since it happened. The question is whether he should have come out in the open since it happened and put the story to rest? 

I personally think that he should just make a statement and let us all go back to more important things. I’ve seen the video and the ‘attack’ and it isn’t even that bad; sure it’s a little humiliating at times but he doesn’t end up that hurt. This is a man who made headlines for thrusting one of his male dancer’s heads in his crotch and simulating oral sex on a live broadcast. His performance offended a lot of people. He traded on the fact that he was gay and it came back and bit him in the ass. I’m just saying that if you’re going to push being gay on the public then maybe you should expect a bit of backlash. I’m not saying I approve of the attack, that would be wrong, but to hide away and claim victim status seems like he’s ignoring his part in this.

Cowther, what are your opinions on the situation?”****

 

**Scene Nine  
**“We should call his parents.”  
“Shouldn’t we ask him first?”  
“Honey if it was one of my babies and no one contacted me there’s not a force on this earth that could get me to forgive them.”  
“But…”  
“No buts Katy. The boy needs his Mama as much as she’ll need to be here.”

Kris edged his way to awareness and found himself surprised by the large form within his arms. As the events of the previous night rushed back to him Kris made sure to keep his arms wrapped around the body in front of him. It had taken several strong pain killers and 30 minutes of whispered songs to get Adam to sleep so waking him now, even accidentally, was not on Kris’s list of things to do. However, if Lil and Katy kept talking in the doorway like they were the likelihood was Adam would wake up anyway.

Kris opened his eyes and glanced first at the head of black hair on the pillow in front of him and then at the women. Gently untangling his arms from the older man Kris slid out of the bed. Katy and Lil looked over at him as he moved and Kris motioned them out of the room. Tucking the duvet in firmly around Adam Kris hoped that it would feel almost as comforting as his arms had and that Adam’s desperately needed heeling sleep wouldn’t be disturbed. Kris grabbed his glasses off of the bedside cabinet and making his way out of the room glanced at the clock. He was shocked to see that it was still only 5:00am. It was less than 24 hours ago that he’d been having a conversation with Adam about why he hadn’t invited him to Vegas while sitting in the airport’s waiting lounge. Kris shook away the thought that if he had let Adam join them in Vegas they would all be tumbling into bed round about now and no one would have any bruises or cuts that weren’t alcohol and fun induced.

Exiting the room Kris saw that Lil and Katy were waiting for him outside the door. He moved them all down the hall a little; far enough away that hopefully they wouldn’t disturb Adam but close enough that he hoped to hear any signs of distress.

“Now, what was so important it couldn’t wait?”

Kris looked at his wife and his friend. Both were wearing their sleep clothes and holding cups of coffee but he wasn’t sure either of them had been to bed. Part of him suspected that neither of them had even attempted to get any sleep that night and that both had just pushed right on through to the morning. Neither had any make up on and, along with the obvious signs of tiredness, he could see a redness around their eyes that indicated both had done their fair share of crying.

“Someone needs to call Adam’s Mama.”

Katy sighed and Kris wondered if they’d been discussing this for long before he’d woken up.

“I still think that it should be Adam’s decision.”  
“She’s going to find out anyway, hell, Adam’s so famous it’ll probably be in the news today somehow and do you really want her to find out that her baby was hurt through the press?”

Kris didn’t like the idea of taking any control away from Adam either but he had to agree with Lil. Information about Adam, about both of them, got around so quickly nowadays that if anyone got a hint of what had happened it would be all over the place in no time.

“You don’t think…how would they know? We were the only ones there. No one found him first or they’d have called for help. And no one can have seen anything, if they had they’d have helped. Wouldn’t they?”

Katy turned to Kris, desperation on her face, and grabbed his hands. The strong woman from last night was gone replaced in tiredness by a scared and tearful girl. Kris loved Katy more than ever in that moment in the knowledge that she’d held it together for as long as she’d needed to help his, their, friend. She’d pushed away her own feelings while she’d needed to be in control but now she was relinquishing that control to him.

“They’d have helped right? No one could walk away like that. No one would have just left him! Who would do that? Why would someone do that?”

Kris pulled one of his hands away from Katy’s and brought it up to her face. He combed his hand through her hair trying to comfort her.

“Baby, sweetie, I don’t think that’s what Lil meant. Right Lil?”  
“Oh honey no, of course not. I just meant that his Mama needs to know and God forbid she finds out through any other way than being told by either Adam or one of his friends.”  
“But you said…”  
“I know what I said and I’m sorry. I worded it badly.”

Kris pulled a tearful Katy into his arms and smiled his thanks at Lil. He knew that she’d just backtracked on her argument but Katy was apparently too tired to be able to deal with the reality of their lives at this moment. Kris loved his new life, as he knew Adam did, but sometimes he couldn’t help but be regretful for the changes that new life had inflicted on their loved ones. Kris knew that no matter how it happened the press would somehow find out about the events of last night. He would not allow Leila to hear about her son that way.

“Why don’t you two head down and start making breakfast. I’ll call Leila and tell her.”  
“Do you think Adam’s going to be up for breakfast?”  
“I have no idea baby but let’s have something ready just in case.”

Kris kissed Katy and then reluctantly pulled away. He watched as Lil took his wife’s hand and led her down the corridor to the stairs. Katy glanced back at Kris and he sent a small smile her way.

Kris headed back into the bedroom and looked around for Adam’s phone. Finding it on a chair by the bed Kris quietly moved over and picked it up. He was just about to start to leave the room again when he felt a hand on his wrist. Turning to the bed he found Adam’s non-swollen eye looking at him.

“I’ll do it.”

Kris stared at the man in front of him unsure if Adam even knew what Kris was about to do.

“I’ll call her.”

Kris saw the resolution in his eyes and found himself handing over the phone without thinking. He didn’t know if Adam was awake enough for this but maybe Adam calling Leila would be best for both mother and son. Both would gain comfort from the contact, as brief and as distant as it would be.

“We’ll be downstairs making breakfast when you’re ready.”  
“Okay. Kris, thank you. For everything.”

Kris hesitated a second before leaning forward and pulling Adam into a full body hug. He wrapped his arms around his friend, Adam’s head resting in the crook of his collarbone, and held him close. Kris choked back the tears that wanted to fall and ran a hand through Adam’s hair. His voice was rough when he spoke.

“Anytime. Anytime. You hear me. I am always here for you. I love you.”  
“Love you too man.”

Kris pulled away and attempted to pull himself together.

“You’d better call your Mom. I’ll be…well…you know.”

Kris spun on his heels and left the room. He stopped outside of the door but didn’t close it. He waited, needing to hear that Adam was going to call his mother and not simply pretend to. He didn’t have to wait for long.

“Mom? Mommy!”

Kris had to stop himself from re-entering the room at the hitch in Adam’s breath. Listening closely for a second he could hear that Adam wasn’t crying but was awfully close; the actual breakdown would be put on hold until Leila was there in person. Nodding to himself Kris gave his friend some privacy and made his way to join the others in the kitchen.****

 

**Scene Ten  
**

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Most of you probably don’t know who I am, don’t worry about that, I wouldn’t recognise me either. If I tell you that my son’s name is Adam Lambert I can see that I get your attention a lot quicker. My son’s name has within his family always caused a slight sigh of bemusement, a burst of love, and an air of ridiculousness. For the past two years these feelings have been felt by more than just our family and his name has, no matter where in the country it is spoken, brought with it a certain expectation, a fascination, an adoration. It has also for the last year brought a hint of pity, an air of sympathy.

Just over a year ago I received a phone call from my ex-wife telling me that our son had been attacked and in that second my life, and that of my family, changed forever. We didn’t know how much it would change at the time, the shear scale of the impact of that one event wouldn’t be clear for some time, but when those men saw Adam and made their decision they affected more than they could possibly have realised.

When Adam was a child it became clear pretty early on to Leila, his mother, and myself that he was a little different from other boys in his class. We worried that he would have problems in high school because of it, teenagers aren’t known for their acceptance of those who are different. We worried about his safety. But Adam had a strength about him and we didn’t need to worry about him anymore than any other parent. Later he would grow up into what his brother called ‘a glittery alien from planet fierce’. And while it may have taken a while for him to become the fierce and fabulous person that the world came to know on American Idol, even when he was finding himself as a young man one thing my son never was was weak. Neither of my boys are what you might call the personification of masculine but they are both far tougher and more resilient than they look.

I have two sons, one is straight and snarky, one is gay and sarcastic. I love both equally and I realised as they grew up, due to their shared belief that saying what you’re thinking is a good thing regardless, I would worry about them both equally. But when Adam became a public figure and became a focus for bigots across the country I was taken back to the worry of those first few years before I gave my son the credit he deserved to look after himself. It just worried me that he had painted a target on his back, in glitter, and was taunting people to take a shot. So when the call came I was not that surprised but neither was I ready for it.

It took me slightly longer to get to Adam after the attack than his mother and in that time the video footage had been released onto youtube. Do you know that I saw the footage of the attack before I saw my son? I was sat at the airport waiting for a flight out to LA when it appeared on the news. By the time I got to Adam I had seen the footage 5 times. My son’s pain was being played for the entertainment and fascination of the world. All of the news channels that reported it saw it as a political story but at the time all I could see was the personal. I didn’t care about the social ramifications; all I cared about was helping my son heal.

Not only did we have to deal with the fallout of the attack itself but also with the comments and criticisms about how we dealt with the attack. It was an attack that had been designed to be as humiliating and dehumanising as possible. It was an attack that stated the perpetrators thought my son was less than them. And not only did Adam, his family, and his friends have to work through the attack itself but also the fact that the whole world knew exactly what had happened and why. Adam had no choice in what he would tell people, he had no choice in how much of it he kept private; it was their final act of degradation against him.

The men behind the attack were caught; they really weren’t the brightest of people and didn’t know that their youtube account could be traced. But the act had already been committed; the repercussions had already been put into play. It’s not the physical injuries that take the time to heal; it’s the mental and emotional ones. It’s the fear of other people, especially men bigger than a waif including his father, that Adam had to get over. It’s the fear of going outside that he is still trying to overcome. It is his mother’s constant worry. His best friend’s guilt at not being there. It is his brother's inability to cope with learning that his big brother is not indestructible as previously thought, that the hate he knew was there is more than a theoretical thing. It is his father’s anger at a world that would do this. But it is also the gay kid in your local school that saw the attack and thought “maybe it’s better if I stay in the closet.” It is your son and your daughter being told that they are not good enough to be treated as a human.

It took me a while to see that while the attack itself was personal the fallout _was_ political. So here I am, working with groups such as the LA Gay and Lesbian Center trying to bring awareness about the situation of the society in which we live. Trying to raise money for charities that provide support and counseling for those affected by such an attack. To stop attacks like the one that happened to my son from happening to others we need to change the fundamental views of millions of people and that is not something that can happen over night.

My name is Eber Lambert and I ask that you enjoy your meal, that you give as much warmth and consideration to the other speakers as you have given to me, and that you dig deep into your pockets to help keep this necessary and important foundation going. Thank you for your time.”****

 

**Scene Eleven  
**

"I’ll call in and see if I can reschedule.”  
“You’ll do no such thing.”  
“Adam it’s fine.”  
“No Lil, you’ve worked so hard for this. Don’t risk it. It’s not worth it.”  
“Baby there’s only a few things that would be more worth it.”

Lil sat at the table, her breakfast forgotten in front of her. She and Adam had been going around in circles with this argument since he had made it down for breakfast and asked her what time she was needed at the studio.

“Sweetie I’m well taken care of here. I’ve got my very own tiny but fierce bodyguard slash assistants and Mom, Dad and Amy are on their way.”  
“I’m not that small!”  
“But Adam…”  
“No Lil, no ‘buts’, not even your gorgeous one. Please don’t stop your life because of this.”

Lil tried to study Adam’s countenance without making him feel uncomfortable. He was attempting to give her what she and Alli had titled his ‘stern face’ but the swelling and bruises made it look a lot less imposing and amusing than normal. It just looked painful and that almost made her give in then and there but her conscience wouldn’t let her.

“Adam’s right darlin’, this is your chance and you have to take every opportunity offered to you.”

She glared over at Kris; he was supposed to agree with her. How would he feel being asked to carry on with work after last night? There was no way in hell he’d be anywhere other than right here where he was needed. She looked over at Katy who had been quietly staying out of the argument, took in the shrug of her shoulders, and realised that she wouldn’t be getting any help from her.

“Adam’s more important Kris.”  
“Than work? Yes he is. But he’s also in two perfectly capable and not tiny pairs of hands. I promise that we’ll look after him while you’re recording and that he will still be here for you to mother when you get back.”  
“I won’t be able to focus on singing anyway so why waste their time.”  
“You will be able to focus because it’s what we do. Lil, honey, I love you and please don’t take this the wrong way, but me and Kris we have our careers, you need to go get yours.”

Lil knew Adam was right but that didn’t make it any easier. She knew that she didn’t need to baby him, he was strong and confident, not to mention older than her, but her protective instincts and her love for him overrode reason.

“I still don’t think it’s right.”  
“You don’t have to think it’s right, you just have to do it. For me, please.”

Adam was now attempting his patented puppy eyes; once again the expression was tempered by the damage to his face. But this time rather than working against the look the bruises worked with it and made him look even more pitiful. There was no way she would turn him down now and he knew it.

“Fine but you don’t fight fair.”  
“Sweetie, you and I both know that fair doesn’t win a fight.”

The rough tone to Adam’s voice pulled Lil up short. The argument they had been having forgotten in the recollection of why Adam was currently sat at the table in Kris and Katy’s house as opposed to his own. Lil was about to push herself out of her chair and over to Adam when she saw that Kris had moved faster. She watched as he wrapped himself around Adam like a limpet and saw the comfort Adam took in the touch.

“Adam I’m…”

Lil was cut off by the ringing of Adam’s phone. Pulling an arm away from Kris, Adam reached over and picked it up from the table.

“It’s Brad.”  
“You going to answer it?”

Lil watched as Adam hesitated at Kris’s question, before pressing the ‘reject’ button and putting it back on the table.

“I’m not sure I can deal with him right now.”

Lil was surprised when the phone instantly started ringing again. She watched as Kris glanced at it.

“Brad again.”  
“Maybe it’s urgent.”

Adam gave Katy a wry smile.

“With Brad it’s always urgent.”

He pressed the ‘reject’ button again. His hand hadn’t even left the phone when it beeped signalling a text message. Adam picked it up to look but before he’d had time to read the message the beep sounded again…and again…and again.

“Adam?”  
“I don’t know Lil, I really don’t.”

Lil stood up and moved over to Adam who had yet to read his messages. The phone continued to beep as more and more entered his inbox.

“Who are they all from?”

Adam looked at his phone and started scanning through the messages.

“They’re from everyone. I’ve got Danielle, Matt, Anoop, Michael, several from Alisan, a couple from Drake…what the hell is going on?”  
“What do they say?”

Kris unfolded himself from Adam and lent against the table. Lil watched as Katy got out of her seat and moved to stand next to her husband. She wrapped her arms around Kris’s waist and for a second Lil desperately missed her own husband; missed the support he’d be able to lend her.

“Hang on. Okay, Alisan asks if it’s real. Matt says to check twitter. ‘Noop says to check twitter. Alisan, Alisan, Alisan…okay she’s completely freaking out….so is Drake…umm Michael…wow…he’s threatening violence. Danielle’s also asking if it’s real. What the hell?”

No one had the chance to answer because once again Adam’s phone started ringing. This time Adam answered it.

“B?”  
“Is this some form of performance art? Are you making a new music video? A commercial?”

Brad was talking loud enough that Lil could hear him from her position next to Adam. He was speaking incredibly quickly and she could tell that he was attempting to keep his voice light and joking; he was failing.

“I have no idea what you’re talk about.”  
“The video Adam, the video everyone’s tweeting me. I watched it and…god…please tell me it’s fake, that it’s directed, that you’re expanding into acting. It’s a short film right? That’s all.”

Lil felt the bottom of her stomach drop out. She looked at Kris and Katy and could see the colour disappear from their faces. Adam had started shaking; his voice barely a whisper.

“What video?”  
“Oh baby!”  
“What video Brad!!”

Lil placed a hand on Adam’s shoulder.

“Sweetie, there’s…god there’s a video of you…you’re being…honey did someone hurt you?”

The phone fell from Adam’s hand. His breathing had increased and he was shaking harder than before. Lil wrapped Adam in a hug and they both watched as Kris picked up the phone.

“Brad, this is Kris.”  
“Where’s Adam?”  
“Adam’s a little shaken at the moment.”  
“Kris what happened?”

Kris looked at Adam and Lil felt him nod his head. Kris took a breath before continuing.

“Adam was attacked last night.”

A sob could be heard through the phone.

“So it’s real? The video is real.”  
“I’ve not seen it but I’m guessing yes.”

Lil could hear Brad’s crying increase. She wanted to comfort him but she also wanted him to stop. She knew that although they were no longer together Adam still loved Brad, she guessed that it went both ways, and Adam didn’t need to hear him like this at the moment. Adam was a nurturer by nature and he would want to offer comfort and at the moment he didn’t have any to spare.

“I’m sorry…I have to…I’ve got to…”  
“Brad it’s okay.”  
“No Kris it’s so fucking far from okay that it’s on another fucking planet. Tell Adam I love him and I’ll call him later but I have to go right now.”  
“I will do.”  
“And Kris?”  
“Yes Brad.”  
“Look after him.”  
“Always will.”

Lil watched as Kris hung up the phone. The text messages were still coming in so he turned it onto silent and placed it on the table. Adam continued to shake in her hold so when Kris moved to them Lil wordlessly handed Adam over to him. She moved away from the table and over to the kettle. She filled it with water and started it. Adam believed that tea could solve the world’s ills and at the moment she was willing to try anything.

They stayed in silence trying to comprehend what Brad’s phone call meant. Lil watched as Katy left the room but her attention was soon drawn to the kettle as it started to boil. Collecting four mugs Lil dropped the teabags in and filled them with water. Placing two mugs in front of Kris and Adam she moved back to the counter to collect her own.

A few minutes later a very pale Katy walked back into the room, tears streaming down her face. Kris turned to look at his wife.

“Baby what is it?”  
“I looked…I thought we should…you know…know.”  
“And?”

Adam’s voice was so quiet that Lil almost missed it.

“It’s real. It’s…it’s the ally from last night. God Adam I’m so sorry.”  
“It’s…they were filming it?”  
“They were filming it.”

Adam pushed Kris away and stood up from his chair.

“I…I can’t I’m sorry I…I can’t deal with this right now I’m…FUCK!!!”

Lil watched as Adam made a dash from the room. They all moved to follow him but when they heard the tale tell sound of throwing up coming from the downstairs bathroom Kris signalled for the women to stop and continued on alone. Lil and Katy made their way back into the kitchen and Lil handed Katy her cup of tea.

“You should get ready to go to the studio.”  
“Y’all don’t think I would possibly leave right now!”  
“I think that we need to carry on as we were before. Adam wanted you to continue with your life, I don’t think that’ll have changed.”

The look on Katy’s face told Lil that she was just as unsure as Lil was. Not knowing what else to do Lil nodded and started out of the room. She was stopped by the sound of Katy and Kris’s landline phone ringing. She watched as Katy moved to pick it up.

“Hello, the Allen residence.”  
“My name is Cassidy Haley…I…I was out with Adam last night.”

 

**Scene Twelve**

**Monday 3:07pm**

Adam stared at a shirt and trousers on his bed. He placed a belt over the waist of the outfit, shook his head, and removed it. He then moved along the bed and placed it over the waist of a second outfit lying next to the first. He stood back and looked at both outfits; neither was right. He wanted to look good tonight but he didn’t want to look like he’d tried too hard. It was his night off and he wanted to look sexy but casual, a slightly toned down version of himself. He was worried that people would think he was trying to draw attention to himself now that he was famous. He just wanted to blend in with everyone else in the bar, which was a thought that amused him because before he was famous he was always trying to draw attention to himself.

Moving back to the bed Adam picked up both outfits and placed them carefully on the pile on the chair. After making sure the pile wouldn’t topple he headed back into his closet to find more clothes. He picked out a t-shirt and was moving over to the trousers when he heard his doorbell. Keeping hold of the top Adam moved out of his closet and into the room. He pressed the intercom.

“Hello?”  
“It’s Cass.”  
“I’m with my clothes, head on up.”

Adam pressed the button that opened his front door and then moved back into his closet. He could hear Cassidy move through his house, make his way up the stairs and along the landing.

“Adam?”  
“In here.”

He heard his friend enter his bedroom and walk over to the closet door.

“There are so many crappy jokes I could make right now but I will restrain myself and simply ask if you don’t think it’s a little early to be getting dressed? We’re not going out for several hours yet!”

Adam turned to his friend. He was holding a pair of tight blue and white striped trousers in one hand and his ‘Rolling Stones 40 Licks’ T-Shirt in the other.

“I’m having a few problems.”

Cassidy looked at the items in his hands.

“I can see.”  
“It’s so hard to find something suitable to wear nowadays. I can’t just leave my house in whatever because someone will take a picture and then Perez Hilton will put it up on his page and scribble all over it tomorrow with comments on how fat I look or how my colours clash.”  
“Oh the trials of the rich and famous.”  
“I’m serious Cass.”  
“I know you are hun which makes it even more amusing.”  
“Thanks for the sympathy.”  
“Oh come on Adam, you have _never_ just left the house in any old thing. Especially when you were going out for a night. Being famous has nothing to do with it.”  
“Yeah but then it was because I wanted to. Now I have to.”

Adam turned back to his clothes, hung the trousers back up and pulled out another, sparklier, pair.

“I thought we were going somewhere low-key?”  
“We are…it’s just in case you know.”  
“Can’t be seen to be anything less than fabulous.”  
“Exactly.”  
“Well then put down those trousers and step away from the not retro enough to be cool T-Shirt. I saw a Mount Everest of clothes out in your room as I came in, come on, I’m sure we can find something there that screams fabulous as opposed to teenaged girl with a bejeweler.”

Adam hung his clothes back up; just because he wasn’t wearing them, and would possibly be throwing away the trousers, didn’t mean he wanted them wrinkled. He followed Cassidy into his bedroom and watched while his friend moved over to the pile of discarded clothes on the chair; having a fashion designer for a friend definitely had its benefits. As Cassidy started rummaging through the pile Adam moved to his drawers and leant against them.

“Not that I’m not grateful for the help because I really am but why are you here so early anyway? I thought you were coming at about 5.00?”

Cassidy emerged from the clothes carrying a simply black shirt, a grey waistcoat, and a pair of incredibly tight black jeans. He laid them out on the bed and moved back to the pile to look at the belts.

“I was…but thing is, I met this guy the other night with the most amazing eyes and when he called this morning I might have mentioned where we were going. And he might have said that he’d possibly be in the area. And while I always look good you have that black sparkling vest that you took from that fashion shoot that time that looks amazing on me and I thought I might be able to borrow it?”

Adam watched as Cassidy turned to him and attempted to charm him with his most flirtatious smile.

“I brought a really good bottle of gin as a bribe if that’s any help?”

Adam laughed as Cassidy fluttered his eyes.

“Fine you can borrow it just please stop flirting with me, it’s creepy.”  
“Hey!! I’m a very good flirt.”  
“Oh I know you are, it’s just a lot more fun to watch The Cassidy Charm in action when it’s not aimed at me. And I say that with all the love in the world.”  
“Oh baby, it’s not you I want, it’s just your clothes.”

Adam grabbed the closest thing to hand, which happened to be a pair of gloves, and threw them at Cassidy. One hit his shoulder and fell to the floor, the other didn’t even reach him. Reaching down he picked both up.

“Why do I feel like you just challenged me to a duel?”

Cassidy laid the gloves at the arms of the outfit on the bed and nodded.

“There you go, the perfect outfit.”

Adam looked moved over to the bed and looked at what Cassidy had put together.

“You know, that black jacket you created for my last tour would go perfectly with this.”  
“I had realised that yes.”

Adam skimmed his hand over the outfit already excited for their night out.

“So can I borrow the top?”

Adam turned to face Cassidy, a smile on his face.

“Only if you tell me about Mr Amazing Eyes.”  
“Well we have several hours, an incredibly good bottle of gin…”  
“I’ve got some tonic.”  
“…and he does have the kind of eyes you could talk about for days. Not to mention his ass. Did I mention his ass? Because that could be an entire week’s worth of conversation right there.”  
“Come on loverboy, let’s take this into the living-room. Don’t forget the alcohol.”

As Cassidy started describing his latest fixation Adam couldn’t stop the smile that took over his face. He missed just hanging out with his friends; talking about nonsense and fashion and men. He was too busy to see as much of them as he should and he found himself glad that Kris hadn’t asked him to go to Vegas. Cassidy may have been the only friend able to go out tonight but a night out with him was always fun. He’d actually ended up with the best of both worlds; the opportunity to wind up Kris and the chance to see a good friend he’d been missing.****

 

**Scene Thirteen **

“I’m just saying that I didn’t like her shoes, I didn’t think flip-flops were appropriate for the occasion.”  
“I figured.”  
“Let’s move on shall we.”  
“On the youtube earlier this week someone posted a video of a homophobic attack on the singer Adam Lambert. Since then everyone has voiced their opinion on the events of Monday night and Adam’s lack of comment on them. No one has been more vocal on the subject than the online community of twitter.”  
“Everyone’s been tweeting me about it.”  
“People have taken to the site to express their sadness, anger and in some cases their support. However some of Adam’s more rabid fans…”  
“I remember them from when they spammed my account!”  
“…have apparently been using the site to inundate one of Adam’s friends who is suspected of being with Adam on the night of the attack with…let’s just say less than pleasant messages blaming him for the attack. I want to stress again that this is not all of Adam’s fans, just a select few. What do you think?”  
“So this man, it is a man right?”  
“Yes. I believe his name is Cassidy Haley. He’s one of Adam’s friends from before American Idol.”  
“So this man was with Adam at the time of the attack? Is he also on the video?”  
“Well I saw the video when it was on the news and there’s no one in it apart from Adam and the men attacking him.”  
“So he’s not there in the video? Then how do people know he was there on the night?”  
“Oh he tweeted that they were going out earlier that day. Before anyone asks no he didn’t mention where they were going to be, just that they were going out.”  
“Elisabeth do you follow this man’s tweets?”  
“Of course not. But when people contacted me, and a lot of people did, I wanted to see what they were talking about.”  
“What did he say in response?”  
“He hasn’t tweeted since that night. Before that he tweeted a lot.”  
“Well what are people saying? Do they think he set Adam up? That he was involved in the attack? What exactly are they accusing him of?”  
“They’re accusing him of abandoning Adam. And, and these are their words not mine, they’re saying that he left Adam alone and vulnerable. They’re being quite rude about it.”  
“He’s a grown man. Men leave other men in bars all the time!”  
“It seems to me, I don’t know, that some of the things being said about this young man are pretty homophobic in nature.”  
“What? People who are criticising a homophobic attack are being homophobic?”  
“Of course they are! They support Adam because he’s famous, his friend is not and therefore is subject to the same stereotype people would place on anyone else.”  
“A little yes. I just, from what I’ve read there’s this perception of this young man that is suggesting that he’s not in the video because he hooked up at the bar. Which people are claiming he did because he’s gay.”  
“Because all gay men want is sex.”  
“That appears to be the opinion.”  
“Well isn’t that what happened?”  
“We don’t know what happened that’s the point. No one’s made any sort of statement. Everything is speculation and this young man is getting the blame when surely it should be placed firmly on the attackers.”  
“But gay men go to bars and hook up, it’s what they do…”  
“And straight people _never_ hook up in bars.”  
“…but gay men do it a lot. And I think that Adam’s fans, perhaps rightly, believe that the attack would have been stopped if he hadn’t been alone.”  
“And maybe that is the case but that doesn’t make it this young man’s fault.”  
“As a mother I would be furious if my son or daughter went out with someone who left them alone and then they were attacked.”  
“His mother isn’t the one doing the attacking.”  
“I’m just saying, if it were my child I’d be angry at him.”  
“As you remember we had Adam on this show, and I had him on my Most Interesting People of 2009 countdown as well, and from what I saw Adam would not want people blaming his friend.”  
“But Adam’s not done anything to defend him either.”  
“As I said before, no one has made any statement at all about what happened.”  
“So you don’t think……”

 

**Scene Fourteen **

“Uh, hey, I’m Cassidy and I’m an addict.”  
“Hi Cassidy.”  
“I’ve been clean for one year today. It’s….it’s good to be here, a little scary not gonna lie but it’s good.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Yep.”  
“I…I woke up this morning, met my friends, and I had breakfast. I’d been awake for about an hour before I thought about getting high. I think that’s the longest I’ve gone since stopped using.”  
“Well done man!”  
“I was using for about two years before a very good friend of mine, pretty much the only one I had left, made me face up to what I’d become. He…it’s ironic really because of all the friends I had, those that I pushed away, he was the one that had the most reason to let me stay wallowing in the big pile of shit I’d created for myself. I was sitting on the floor of my apartment, I’d sold all my furniture, with my line all neat and straight on the wood and I thought to myself ‘Cass…you’re doing good’. I mean, if I wasn’t meant to get high then why was being high so fucking perfect.”  
“That’s right, yeah.”  
“But he came back from his tour and he stormed into my apartment and he cared, he didn’t need to, but he did. He showed it by being the biggest bitch in the world and making me see that no one else cared. But I’ve never seen anyone so pissed in my life, and that includes the dealer I tried to cheat, and I thought ‘he wouldn’t be this mad if he really didn’t give a fuck’. He made me see that I had nothing left, that the only way I could go any lower was literally into the ground. I’d given up my music, my fashion, my friends, my self respect, my furniture, my liver…and for what? A feeling unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, a high that was bigger and better than everything, that took away all of the pain and the hurt. But you know what? Waking up this morning and having breakfast with my friends, those that I thought would never want to be anywhere near me again, was a better feeling than any of that.”  
“Yeah dude!”  
“Unfortunately it didn’t stick that time…I had three weeks clean and then I went to a party and…well…it was all just a little too appealing. But he was there when I woke up, I’d missed meeting him for coffee. He was done with me, he was the last one and he was done…and I’ve not sniffed, or injected, or tasted anything since. I want to, don’t get me wrong, god do I want to but…I don’t want to be that anymore. I don’t want to see that look on anyone’s face anymore, not because I put it there.”  
“Yeah.”  
“The pain that led me to that first white line of powder was not my fault, I thought it was for the longest time but I know now that it wasn’t. There was nothing I could have done the night of the attack, I didn't know it was happening, but instead of being there and being supportive when I could be, when I needed to be, I ran away. I got scared and I got guilty and I got stupid. And the pain that watching me slowly kill myself inflicted on my friends, my family…that was my fault. That I will own, I owe it to them, I owe it to who I used to be….I bought a guitar yesterday…I sold my old one for cash…to play it was…it was nice. Nice is good. I like nice. It’s so much more reliable than amazing and brilliant and fanfuckingtastic. Nice…I’ll take that for now.”  
“Yeah man.”  
“Woo.”  
“Thank you Cassidy. Would anyone else like to talk?”****

 

**Scene Fifteen **

Kris leant against the bathroom counter as Adam rinsed his mouth out with water. Kris handed Adam a towel, both of them still reeling from finding out that the attack had been filmed. To film it meant it had been premeditated; they had planned it. But had they planned to attack Adam? Or were they simply after anyone, or at least any gay man, they could find? They hadn’t talked about the attack and Kris had no idea if Adam knew the answers to his questions. He didn’t want to push.

“Sorry.”  
“You never need to apologise dude, not for something like this.”  
“Still…”

Kris waited for Adam to move but rather than leave the room he stayed standing at the sink. Kris watched him as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. It was the first time Adam had really looked at himself since the attack.

“Fuck…they did quite a number didn’t they. Not even a truck load of makeup will cover this. ”  
“They’ll fade.”

Adam didn’t reply and they stood in silence; Kris looking at Adam, Adam looking at his reflection. Adam kept prodding his face with his fingers, occasionally hissing at the pain, and it took all of Kris’s will power not to pull his hands away; he hated the sound of his friend in pain.

Katy appeared in the doorway, the house phone in her hand and an anxious look on her face. She was holding a hand over the phone’s mouthpiece. Kris watched as she looked at Adam, about to say something but hesitating. Her eyes flicked to Kris and he gave her a nod of encouragement. He knew that she wouldn’t even consider asking Adam to talk to someone unless it was important.

“Adam?”  
“Katybear.”  
“Adam there’s…Cassidy’s on the phone for you. He, well, he said…”

Adam turned to face Katy, a painful looking but encouraging smile on his face, and held out his hand for the phone.

“Are you sure, I mean I can tell him you’re…”  
“I’m sure.”

Katy placed the phone in Adam’s outstretched hand and he motioned for them to leave him alone. Kris sent a questioning look his way.

“Go, I’ll be fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Kris ushered his wife out of the room and closed the door behind them. He could hear Lil moving around upstairs as he followed Katy into the living room. It had not escaped his notice that Katy had handed Adam their phone as opposed to Adam’s cell. Sitting on the sofa Kris pulled Katy down with him. She curled into his side as he wrapped his arm around her.

“What was that all about?”  
“Cassidy was with Adam last night.”  
“What?”  
“I didn’t get to ask him much, he was freaking out. All he said was he’d heard about the attack but didn’t understand because he was with Adam all the time Adam was at the bar. He couldn’t answer any of my questions, he didn’t seem to know what had happened anymore than we do, he knew less.”  
“How did he get this number?”  
“Oh he was very apologetic about it. Apparently he tried calling Adam’s cell but, well, you put it on silent. So he called Neil who said Adam was here and gave him Leila’s number. She has our number so she gave it to him. I don’t know why Adam’s mom has our number.”  
“Mama’s got his. Just in case, you know?”  
“Oh, right.”

Kris wasn’t sure Katy did know but she accepted the answer anyway. Silence descended and Kris listened to the muffled rumble of Adam’s voice coming from the bathroom and the occasional sound of a door opening and closing upstairs.

“Is Lil going in today?”  
“We thought it best. Especially as Adam said that wanted her to earlier. Were we wrong?”  
“No, y’all were right. Nothing she can do here anyway except be here and there’s going to be enough of us doing that as it is.”

As selfish as he felt thinking it, Kris was glad that Lil was going out. He knew if he were in her position he wouldn’t want to leave but there were going to be a lot of people in his house and so one less would make things easier.

“I don’t think I’ve met Cassidy.”

Katy’s non-sequitur surprised him.

“Huh?”  
“I’ve never met Cassidy. I’ve heard about him, mainly about his jackets, but I’ve never met him.”  
“Oh. He’s cool, he’s a good guy you know. I think, and don’t tell Adam this, but I think he’s my favourite of Adam’s friends, apart from Drake naturally. He’s definitely the least intimidating.”  
“I like Adam’s friends.”  
“So do I, they’re just quite loud.”  
“So is Charles.”  
“I’ve never really thought of him like that.”  
“Trust me honey, Charles is loud.”

Kris knew they were making small talk but it seemed better than silence. The sound of the bathroom door opening caught his attention.

“Uh huh….uh huh…..no Cass really. I know sweetie I know…”

Kris listened as Adam’s voice got quieter as he went upstairs. He heard the bedroom door close.

“Do you think he’s alright?”  
“I think he’s going to be.”  
“Even now there’s a video?”  
“I…I honestly don’t know what to think of that. But Adam’ll be fine. He’s pretty tough. Plus, look at all the support he’s got.”  
“He’s got you.”  
“He’s got us.”

Kris hugged Katy closer to him.

“Yeah but mainly you.”  
“Katy.”  
“I’m not complaining Kris. I like Adam a lot and I’m glad he’s got someone who loves him as much as you do looking out for him.”  
“Well you were pretty spectacular yourself last night.”

Kris kissed his wife’s head, his love for her overwhelming him. The doorbell ringing cut off any response Katy might have had. Kris looked in the direction of the front of their house warily. He really hoped it wasn’t the press. As sure as he was that no one who knew where Adam was would have told, there was still the possibility that someone had found out where he lived and was going to ask for a comment. Hell, people seemed to consider him and Adam a pair so someone was bound to think to ask for his opinion on the situation. But he was hanging on by a thread and wasn’t sure he could deal with the press in a reasonable way. Or in a way that didn’t get him charged for aggravated assault.

Hesitantly Kris got up and moved to answer the door. He looked through the peephole and let out a relieved breath when he recognised the figure on his doorstep. Opening the door he didn’t say a word as he let them in. As they took off their sunglasses Kris could see the puffiness around their eyes. He took in the weary, terrified and stubbornly resolved look and pulled them into a brief hug before pulling away.

“Where’s my son?”

Kris motioned Leila to follow him and headed up the stairs. He stopped at the top of the staircase and turned to her.

“He looks bad. There’s a lot of bruises. I just, I want you to be prepared.”  
“Has he seen a doctor?”  
“He didn’t need one. Really, it looks worse than it is, physically anyway.”

Leila nodded at him and they continued to the bedroom. Kris knocked on the door.

After a few seconds the door swung open and Adam stood there, phone up to his ear. He looked straight at his mother. Kris heard the intake of breath as Leila saw her son for the first time.

“Cass…Cassidy, I’ve got to go. We’ll talk later I promise. No, no don’t, just don’t say anything to anyone and stay the hell off of twitter. Yeah, you too. I promise.”

Adam hung up the phone. Neither he nor Leila moved or spoke and Kris was beginning to feel as if he was intruding. It was Leila who broke the silence.

“Oh sweetheart.”

The two words were all it took for Adam to move forward and into his mother’s waiting embrace. For the first time since he’d arrived home last night Kris felt comfortable about letting Adam out of his sight. Knowing that his friend was in the best possible hands Kris made his way back down the stairs to join his wife.****

 

**Scene Sixteen**

**Monday 5:24pm**

“So I’ve just finished the third song of my set and there’s this really loud wolf whistle and some whooping. And I laughed, as you would, and looked in that direction but as far as bars go it was pretty badly lit so couldn’t really see anything.”

Adam drained the final bit of his drink and placed the glass on the coffee table. He watched with amusement as Cassidy instantly, and unknowingly, moved it onto a coaster.

“Anyway, I carry on with the gig, it’s a small one, only 6 songs before someone else takes over, but every time I break in between songs there’s this guy cheering really loudly. Like, your fans loudly.”  
“Sounds like you have an admirer.”  
“I know right.”

Adam watched his friend as he finished his drink. Reaching over Adam picked the gin back up and poured some more into both the glasses.

“Tonic or lemonade?”  
“Gin and lemonade?”  
“Try it before you bash it.”  
“How did you ever even discover that?”  
“Turns out, in England they’ll drink whatever’s in front of them as long as it’s alcoholic. Seriously, I was doing an interview to promote the album, The Graham Norton Show which is, by the way, the strangest chat show ever, I swear, half of it was just him playing around on his computer. But I went out afterwards with the band and we got talking to these people who had no idea who I was and we went to this tiny bar that kept running out of stuff. But instead of moving somewhere else the group we were with just started adding whatever was available to their drinks. I’m talking cranberry juice and tequila, whiskey and cranberry juice, I think someone even tried red wine and cola. Mind you, this is the place where they drink snake bite, which is a well known drink, and consists of beer, cider, alcoholic naturally, and blackcurrent.”  
“What the fuck? Since when do you drink beer?”  
“Oh I didn’t order that. Monte did, I just tasted it.”  
“Was it nice?”  
“Not really my preference but it wasn’t awful.”

Adam nearly laughed at the expression of disgust on Cassidy’s face.

“Well thank you for the offer but I think I’ll stick to tonic.”  
“Suit yourself.”

Adam grabbed the tonic and filled up Cassidy’s glass before topping up his own. He felt enjoyably tipsy and wanted to keep this going as long as he could. It was rare that he got to enjoy the feeling of alcohol without worrying about having to work with a hangover the next day. Without worrying that he would appear unprofessional, or be accused of having a drinking problem. Not that he intended to get drunk enough to have a hangover, but it was nice not to think that he couldn’t.

“But before we got sidetracked you were telling me about this guy in New York.”  
“What? Oh yeah. So, there were the cheers and the whistles and then I finished my set. After putting everything away I thought it would be nice to watch the others who were playing so I headed to the bar to get a drink. Well I was standing at the bar when this body presses behind me and says in a really deep, obviously false, voice ‘I love your clothes but they’d look even better on my bedroom floor’.”

Adam really wished he hadn’t just taken a gulp of his drink as he was now trying to stop it from coming back out as he laughed. The laughing also had the unfortunate side effect of causing the drink to go down the wrong hole. Soon he found himself struggling for breath, laughing and coughing, with Cassidy slapping him on the back trying to help. Eventually able to calm both his laughing and his coughing Adam caught a breath.

“Fuck that’s cheesy. That’s like, blue cheese levels of cheese. Please tell me you did not go home with that charmer!”  
“Well…”  
“You did not!”  
“Of course I didn’t! I turned round to let him down gently.”

Adam raised an eye brow at that.

“Hey, I’m not Brad, I can’t just tell people to go be douches elsewhere.”  
“Oh my god I’d forgotten that. That was amazing when he did that.”  
“It really was. But anyway, back to me. So I was turning round to be polite but make it clear that the clothes thing was so not happening and who should be stood in front, well behind, of me but Neil."  
“My Neil?”  
“No someone else’s Neil.”  
“What was Neil doing there?”  
“Honestly I have no idea. I asked him but trying to get a straight answer out of your brother without the sarcasm is like trying to look fashionable in crushed velvet.”  
“True.”  
“So I had a few drinks with him and his friends, who it turned out had been my not so silent cheering gallery, and then I went back to the hotel.”

Adam smiled at his friend. It was nice to talk touring stories but not about himself. He always tried not to discuss work when he was with his friends who weren’t as successful but it was such a large part of his life that sometimes it took a little effort. With Cassidy there was always something else to talk about, something going on in Cassidy’s life, that it just made it easier.

Adam’s musings were interrupted by the sound of his stomach rumbling. Maybe with all the alcohol they were consuming food was a good idea.

“You want to grab something to eat?”  
“What do you have?”  
“Here? Oh nothing. I meant do you want to go out for food.”  
“With you. Won’t we get mobbed?”  
“Probably. Actually no, I know this fantastic tiny and really traditional Greek place where no one will care.”  
“Sounds good sweetie.”

Adam stood up from the sofa. He kept hold of his drink with him to take it with him. As Cassidy stood he could see that he had done the same.

“But first I need to go get dressed and add the war paint and you need to make yourself fabulous for Mr Amazing Eyes and Ass...do you even know his name?"  
“Of course I do.”  
“Well?”  
“Well what?”  
“Well what is it?”  
“It’s… the thing is…okay it’s Adam. Laugh all you want but I’m calling you Lambert tonight when he arrives to save confusion.”  
“Lambert? Really?”  
“I could call you Superstar…or Glitter Boy…oh, how about Glambert!”  
“Well you could if you like the idea of being covered in whatever I’m drinking.”  
“You ruin all my fun.”  
“Someone has to. Who knows what kind of trouble you’d get into otherwise.”  
“I think I’m going to start hanging out with Neil. He was a lot nicer.”  
“I’m just hoping he doesn’t use that line for real. Although it would explain his lack of a girlfriend.”  
“He wouldn’t!”  
“With Neil you never know.”

Adam and Cassidy continued laughing as they made their way to get ready for the night.****

 

** Scene Seventeen **

Leila sat on the end of the bed waiting for Adam to return. After pulling out of the hug and back into the bedroom Adam had started fussing, trying to make sure that she was alright. He had so far made her a sandwich – “You shouldn’t have skipped breakfast!” – an entire pot of tea – “I don’t want you to be thirsty” – and had now gone in search of Katy and Lil to ask if he could borrow their makeup – “I can’t believe you left the house without any on at all. Mom! You should always take pride in how you look.”

She knew that her oldest son was the king of avoidance at times but this was taking it to a new level. However, if making himself feel useful provided him with any measure of comfort then she would sit here, she would eat her P&amp;J sandwich, she would drink her far too sugary tea, and she would thank him for it.

She reminded herself to thank Kris for warning her about Adam’s appearance. She had barely managed to stop herself from crying when she saw him as it was. Her beautiful son! She had been woken by the phone, by his phone call, and she hadn’t thought about anything else since but she also hadn’t thought about the reality of what it meant. All she could think of was her need to get to him; to be there with him, for him. She had phoned Eber and Neil, put on the first clothes she could find, grateful that she’d showered the night before, grabbed her car keys, wallet and phone and gotten in her car. She’d started driving and had only stopped when her phone had rung. She was finding it hard enough to concentrate on the act of driving, she would not make it more dangerous by trying to talk on the phone at the same time. Getting in an accident would help no one. Of course she’d let the phone go to voicemail more than once but had picked up for both her ex-husband and her son. They were both making plans to get out to LA for Adam and she needed to know when they would be there.

The only other person she had picked up the phone for was Cassidy. She had only just hung up on Eber when it had rung again. She had answered it without looking. She had not been expecting Adam’s friend. She had really not been expecting him to launch into a tearful explanation of how he was with Adam last night and now he needed to speak to him, needed to know he was alright. She nearly didn’t give him the information; if he was with Adam how did he not know how he was? If he was with Adam why was he not in the same situation himself? Almost instantly she felt guilty. She’d met Cassidy, she liked Cassidy, and he was obviously beside himself with worry. Adam would want to help him if he could and having already spoken to him on the phone she knew he was at least able to do that; it might even help him a little. So she’d passed on Kris’s number, put her foot on the gas pedal, and driven as fast and as safely, if not always legally, as she could.

The door opened and Adam walked into the room carrying two makeup bags.

“I’m not sure that anything Lil owns is going to work with your colouring but still…oh, and she says hi and bye.”

Adam placed the bags on the dresser and started examining the contents. He took the things he wanted out of each one, making sure to keep Lil and Katy’s things on separate sides of the dresser.

“She’s got some studio time over the next few days, it’s why she’s here. Her songs are going to be wicked cool, she has such an amazing voice it’s unreal.”

Leila was nodding in all the right places but she wasn’t really listening to what he was saying. She was too busy studying him and his movements. She was watching the way he favoured his left side over his right, the way he was turning his head so that he could see through his non swollen eye. She noticed all the little gasps of pain he tried to hide every time he made a movement that his battered body objected to. He was doing his best to cover it but she knew him too well to not notice.

Adam indicated for her to join him at the dresser and pulled out the chair. She made her way over and sat down as instructed.

“I take it you’re my stylist for the day?”  
“Who better!”

Adam grinned at her and she let the protest she was about to voice die on her tongue.

He picked up the foundation he had chosen, dabbed a bit on his hand, and then reached towards her face. Leila closed her eyes and let him work.

“I was saying to Kris yesterday that he was making a mistake letting Lil stay here with only Katy because of all the stories she could tell but I don’t think she has.”  
“When was Kris not here?”  
“Last night. He was in Vegas for a gig. He came back for…well, he came back because of, you know.”

The quiver in Adam’s voice made her want to open her eyes but she thought that her not being able to see him was probably giving Adam the confidence to talk.

“Kris wasn’t here?”  
“No Mom, Vegas remember, keep up.”  
“Sorry, yes, Vegas.”  
“So anyway, as I was saying, Lil’s too nice to tattle on Kris, not that there’s anything really to tell, not like Matt. I swear, when Matt gets a girlfriend he better watch out because there are way too many of us with way too much information on that boy.”

Adam had stopped applying the foundation and Leila could hear him rummaging through the makeup.

“But Lil’s amazing and she’d probably be the only one not to tease Matt. Not unless he teased her first. She’s just the nicest. She tried saving my jacket last night. Damn it!”

Leila had listened quietly as Adam had gotten frustrated and angry as he spoke but now he sounded close to tears. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was leaning on the edge of the dresser, a palette of green eye shadows in his hand.

“What’s wrong sweetie?”  
“There’s nothing in here that will work. I can’t find any colours that you would wear.”

There were tears in his eyes. Leila reached over and placed a hand on his knee.

“Are there any browns? Katy and Lil surely have some browns?”  
“They do but they’re all shimmery and I know that you don’t wear shimmery because you think you’re too old for it, which you’re totally not, but there’s nothing else.”  
“I’m sure shimmery will be fine.”  
“Mom you don’t have to just…  
“Adam I’m not doing anything. Shimmery is fine, in fact I think a little shimmer just now would be perfect.”

Leila looked her son in the eye for a moment, squeezed his knee, and then closed her eyes again.

“Well if you insist.”

A few seconds later she felt the brush against her eyelid. Time to get the conversation back on track.

“So Lil tried to save your jacket?”  
“Yes. I mean, the rest of my clothes were ruined and I knew that it was too but I wanted so much for it not to be. Cassidy made it you know, and it was amazing and I loved it. I’m pretty sure she spent hours last night trying to hand wash it, but it’s beyond salvageable. Everything is. I’m just going to have to, I don’t know, I don’t want to throw it away but…I don’t want any of it either. Open your eyes and look up.”

Leila did as instructed. There was a brown eyeliner pencil in Adam’s hand. His hand was shaking enough that she was having second thoughts about letting him near her eye but if there was one thing she knew Adam could do in his sleep, apart from singing, it was put eye makeup on.

“So yeah, need to think of what to do with the clothes. Do you think Kris will keep them while I decide? I really, I just don’t think I can have them in my house.”  
“I’m sure that Kris won’t mind at all.”  
“Good, that’s good.”

Adam stopped talking while he carefully applied the liner to the bottom of her eyes. When he had finished she closed her eyes again and let him do the tops.

“Is Dad coming?”  
“Of course he is but he has further to come. He’s probably at the airport right now. And Neil’s on his way as well but it’s going to take him a few days as he has to get someone to cover for him at school.”  
“You told Neil!”

Leila opened her eyes to look at Adam. She hadn’t been sure at the time that she was doing the right thing by telling her younger son what had happened. She wasn’t sure if it was her place but it had seemed so very wrong to let him hear it from anyone else. She hoped she hadn’t made a mistake.

“Was I wrong to?”  
“No…no, he’d, he’s…fuck he’d have heard anyway, especially with the fucking video.”  
“What video?”  
“You don’t…how…you don’t know?”  
“I don’t know.”

Adam slumped and sat on the dresser. Leila took in his defensive posture, arms wrapped around himself staring at the ground, and felt herself tense at what he was about to tell her. She had no idea what it was but anything that made Adam fold in on himself like that could not be good.

“There’s...there’s a video. Of last night.”  
“Last night?”  
“They, apparently they were taping it. The attack. They taped it and they’ve put it on youtube.”

Leila felt herself still. She couldn’t breathe. She wasn’t sure she’d heard correctly, she couldn’t believe that she’d heard correctly. But Adam looked so ashamed, so fearful, that she knew she must have. She watched as Adam looked at her reaction; saw her wide eyes, her shaking hands. Still she was not able to take a breath. She was finding it hard to process what he had just said, what was happening. The sound of the world had faded out and all she could hear was a rushing in her ears.

It took Adam looking away in shame to bring her back to the real world.

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t need to apologise, he never needed to apologise. In a second Leila was out of her chair and wrapping him in her arms.

“Oh baby no. This is not your fault. None of this is your fault.”  
“If I hadn’t been out last night, if I’d fought harder but they...they were so strong and there were so many of them and...”

Leila pulled her son closer and started stroking a hand through his hair as she waited for him to continue.

“...I was so scared.”  
“Oh sweetheart!”  
“I thought ‘this is it, I’m going to die’. And then, and then they. And now everyone knows, everyone knows what happened and...and it’s like...how am I ever going to face anyone again now they know, they know what happened? I can’t, I can’t do it Mom I just can’t.”

Leila could feel his tears seeping into her shirt and her own running down her face. She found herself sitting on the dresser as her 6ft 1, 28 year old son attempted to crawl into her lap. She pulled him as close to her as she could and gently rocked them both. She was mumbling nonsense in a soothing manner, kissing his forehead, anything to offer him some form of protection and comfort.

When he had finally calmed Adam pulled back. He was still sniffling a little but it was no longer the pained sobs it had been before.

“Adam baby, listen to me.”

Leila took his face in her hands and gently raised it so that he was looking at her.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you can ignore the rest of the world for as long as you like. But when you do want to face the world again, and you will at some point, know that it _will not _blame you for any of this. It will not think of you any less. Never worry about that.”  
“It’s just, god I feel, I feel so...I don’t even know what I feel. I should feel something right? I do but, but I don’t know what is it. It’s all, Mom it’s all too much, there’s too much to deal with.”  
“I know sweetie I know but you are not alone in this. I will always be here for you. Your father will always be here for you. And as much as you annoy each other Neil will always be here for you. We love you; nothing that happens is ever going to change that. And from what I have seen there are a lot of other people who love you dearly and will always be there for you; three of them are living in this house at the moment. You understand?”

Adam had gone back to looking at the floor so she slipped off of the dresser and crouched before him looking him in the eye.

“Do you understand sweetie?”

A small smile appeared on Adam’s face and he rolled his eyes a little. Leila had to repress her own smile and keep her stern face on.

“Yes Mom.”

It was a tone of voice she remembered from him as a teenager. Her resilient son! She patted his knee, stood up, and then sat back into the chair.

“Now, as I’m sure I resemble a panda and you were the one who insisted on eyeliner in the first place, fix it.”

Leila gave Adam her best Mom Glare and pointed to her face.

Adam gently wiped his sleeve across his face clearing most of the tear tracks, and giggled.

“If I’d known you were going to be a diva about it I’d have let you walk around looking as you did.”  
“I looked fine.”  
“You looked a mess. Of course now you look like a horror movie so I suppose I should change my definition of a mess.”  
“Well then you’d better get started on fixing my face. I haven’t even seen Katy yet and the last thing I want to do is scare her away looking like a zombie as I say hello.”  
“Katy’s tough, she would totally fight back against a zombie. Kris though...I don’t know, that boy’s scared of the strangest things. I think we can salvage your face but you’re going to be rocking the smoky look.”

Adam reached forward and started rubbing his thumbs along the skin under Leila’s eyes, trying to fix the fallen eyeliner.

“Adam Lambert, didn't your mother ever tell you not to tease with fun information about your friend’s weird fears?”  
“I don’t know, did you?”

Leila returned the smile he was sending her way.

“I’m sure I must have at some point. Now spill.”****

 

**Scene Eighteen**

“Now here’s something, something I think some of you might be interested in. The men who attacked Adam Lambert have been caught. Apparently police followed the trail of glitter that was left on their clothes to find them. Glitter gets everywhere. Now these mooks are not the brightest crayons in the box, they claimed that it wasn’t their film; that they found the camera it was on and decided to upload it. I love the idea that someone would find a camera and the thought that goes through their minds is not ‘I must find the owner’, or, or ‘I wonder how much I can sell this for?’ No in today’s world it’s ‘Hmm, there’s a film on here, I must put this on youtube’. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What next, are they going to start tweeting someone else’s life? Create a facebook page and upload those images that come inside photo frames when you buy them?

Even better, they tried stating that they didn’t know what was on the film when they uploaded it...and they weren’t looking at the screen when it uploaded...and they only named it Adam Lambert Outside Club because they thought that would get the film hits. However, realising that their story had as much believability as Tiger Woods claiming that ‘she’s just a friend’, one eventually admitted to it and the others followed

Here’s my favourite part, when it was announced that these guys had been arrested the police had to place them in protective custody after Lambert’s fans found out where they were. I’ll tell you something you know, you know, a lot of criminals are real nervous about this whole situation. They’re worried that the prison these guys end up in is going to get stormed by Lamberts more enthusiastic fans seeking revenge. If there’s one thing that scares hardened criminals it’s the thought of their mothers, dressed like teenagers, wielding their signed copies of RollingStone as a weapon. They’d better just hope they’re all wearing trousers; ‘Mom, where are your panties? What do you mean you threw them all on stage, surely one pair would have been enough?’

Uuummm. What else? Oh, a cashier at Walmart discovered a women trying to steal...”****

 

**Scene Nineteen**

Katy stood next to the open front door. Kris was hugging Adam flat against him, Adam hugging him back just as tightly. It was a familiar sight but one she was glad to see untill she noticed Leila place a hand on Eber’s arm. The look of hurt that flashed across his face before he carefully hid it caused an unwanted feeling of guilt. It had become increasingly clear that Adam flinched every time his father initiated contact. He only appeared comfortable when he was the one pulling the larger man into a, still tentative, hug. Seeing Kris so comfortably, and without challenge, pull Adam into a hug had to be hard on the other man. She thought it was probably nothing to do with either Eber or Kris, and everything to do with their size, but that wouldn’t make it any easier for Eber to watch.

Kris disentangled himself from Adam and was instantly pulled into a hug by Leila.

“Thank you for everything.”

It was only a quick hug and soon Katy found herself pulled into Leila’s arms.

“I don’t know what I’d have done...”

She heard the words whispered into her ear and turned her face to Leila’s. She pressed a kiss to her cheek before replying as honestly as she could.

“Neither do I.”

She felt Leila take in a deep breath before pulling away and taking her son’s hand in her own. With his free hand Adam placed his sunglasses on his face before focusing back on them.

“So...I guess I’ll see you in a few days?”

Katy hated hearing the uncertainty in Adam’s voice; it sounded out of place. Even when Adam wasn’t on stage and at his most confident she had never heard him address either her or Kris with that amount uncertainty. There were only two other times he’d come close; the first time he spoke to her after publicly admitting his crush on Kris and the day after the AMA performance. Katy had told him not to worry then and she wanted to do the same now only this time she wasn’t sure she’d be believed. Hell, she wasn’t sure she was believed then.

Luckily, or maybe worryingly, Kris sounded just as unsure when he replied.

“I was going to come over tomorrow, I mean, if that’s alright with you?”  
“That would, that would be great.”

The relief in Adam’s voice and Kris’s face was obvious to everyone stood by the door. Both Kris’s worry and his relief meant that Katy knew the conversation they had the night before about Kris’s newly overprotective nature wasn’t anywhere near finished. Kris knew he was being paranoid but that knowledge didn’t curb his worry. Not that she could blame him. She had always liked Adam even though they, naturally, didn’t have the same bond he and Kris did. And since finding him that night she had been feeling such a surge of protectiveness towards him. The image of him crouched in that alleyway was going to take a long time to disappear; she wasn’t actually sure it ever would.

“So you’re sure that there’re no paps around his house? Because you could always come back to either your mother’s or mine, we don’t have to go to your place if there’s people there you don’t want to see?”

Eber’s voice cut through the group and pulled them back to task at hand, moving Adam back into his own house, something he had been putting off for two days, and out of theirs. They all knew that he needed to be surrounded by his own things, in his own space, to truly begin to feel safe. And he couldn’t do that living in their guest room.

“Lil and Brad are sat outside the house now keeping watch. They’ll let us know if anyone turns up.”  
“You sent who?”

Adam turned to stare at Katy in horror.

“Oh come now, they both wanted to help, I’m sure they’re getting on fine.”  
“Them getting on is not a worry. They’re probably already the best of friends, and trust me, together they’ll be unstoppable. It’s what they could be telling each other that’s my worry. They both have stories that should never be told, never. And while I trust Lil, Brad, well that boy loves to tell tales.”  
“I bet he’s got some good ones.”

Without even looking at him Katy could hear the smirk in Kris’s voice.

“He has some great ones but that’s beside the point. The point is, what were you thinking putting them in a car together?”

If their intention had been to get Adam’s mind off of leaving the house, and the panic the idea had caused, they would have been successful. However Katy didn’t think they could really take the credit when she hadn’t thought that deeply about allocating this job to both Lil and Brad. It had simply been a way to keep both of them feeling useful while getting them out of the way as they eased Adam out of the safe haven he had created for himself at their house. Even after he had decided that he wanted to go home Adam had been looking for a way to do it that didn’t involve actually stepping outside. Unfortunately, as Kris had pointed out, teleportation didn’t exist yet and therefore Adam would have to travel the normal way.

The smile growing on Adam’s face was contagious and Katy found herself start to grin but as Leila cut in the implication that it was time to go was heard loud and clear.

“Adam honey I’m sure it’ll be fine.”  
“I’m just saying that if Lil turns up on Brad’s next album I will not be to blame. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum here will.”  
“I promise we won’t forget. But we should really get going otherwise Neil will arrive before we do.”  
“Oh great, he can join Lil and Brad in their let’s embarrass Adam storytelling extravaganza.”  
“Long word there dude.”  
“It probably needs to go with accoutrement in the list of words I’m not sure I used correctly.”  
“Well at least you tried. Anoop would be proud.”  
“And I shall continue to try Kristopher, if only to add new and wonderful words to your vocabulary. I expect to hear it in your next hit single.”  
“I’ll keep that in mind.”  
“Make sure you do.”

Kris and Adam’s back and forth had been noticeably absent from their conversation the past two days and Katy was glad to hear it again, even if it was only for a small while.

“Adam?”  
“Alright alright I’m going, keep your hair on Dad. I’ll see you tomorrow?”  
“Count on it.”  
“You too?”

Katy was surprised to hear herself included in the plan but if he wanted her there she’d be there with bells on. Actually, Adam would probably get a kick out of the bells.

Katy nodded her assent and felt Kris take her hand in his. She turned to face him and returned his smile. That he still gave her butterflies when he looked at her like that always amazed her.

“Okay, I’m going before I get diabetes from being in a room with you two for too long...Dad could you, could you check that there’s no one, you know, waiting out there?”

And like that Katy was pulled back to why there were here in the first place.

“Of course I will.”

Eber darted out of the door and quickly down to the road to look around. Suddenly embarrassed Adam looked anywhere but at them as Leila put her arm around him and pulled him closer. It only took a minute and then Eber appeared in the doorway.

“It’s clear.”  
“We’d better get going then. Thank you for letting me stay here and, well, you know.”

They’d both said it was no trouble so many times that the words had lost meaning so instead they just nodded.

As Adam walked out of the door and down the path, flanked on both sides by his parents, Katy and Kris moved to the doorway to watch him leave. She felt Kris’s grip on her hand get painfully tight so she squeezed his hand back.

“We’ll see him tomorrow.”  
“I know it’s just...”  
“I know sweetie I know.”

Hearing the engine of the car start she gently pulled Kris away from the door and closed it behind them.****

 

** Scene Twenty **

“That really was gorgeous Kim. You are a wonderful cook.”  
“Thank you, it was no trouble. How about another glass of wine?”  
“Well I won’t say no to that.”  
“So how are you doing?”  
“Things are good thanks.”  
“Leila, this is now officially a no lying zone.”  
“Does that ever work?”  
“With Kris sometimes, although that boy always responded to a good guilt trip better than anything else. Danny...not so much. But I see you trying to change the subject.”  
“Honestly Kim, things are a lot better. We finally got Neil to go back to New York. I think Adam’s glad to have his house back but, well I’m worried about him rattling around there by himself when he gets back from tour. He’s still not great at being alone, not that he’d ever admit it just as he’d never admit to wanting Neil there. Pigs will fly before my sons admit to actual brotherly affection without justifying it with sarcasm! But Neil’s been there for Adam in a way that I didn’t think he would. Don’t get me wrong, I knew that he’d be supportive, but for a while there I think he was afraid to let him out of his sight.”  
“And you weren’t? Because if that had been one of my boys I’m not sure I’d have ever let them leave the house again.”  
“Oh trust me, if I could have wrapped Adam in cotton wool and tucked him away in the house I would have. I was all ready to pack him up and take him home and never let him go but Adam, well, he’s always been self sufficient and it would have been wrong for him. It didn’t matter that it was all he wanted to do I would have been wrong to let him. But now Adam’s back on tour and being Adam I’ve realized that our whole lives were focused on getting Adam back up and out there again and we kind of forgot about Neil along the way. How did neither of us notice this? How did I miss the way he was handling everything? I just wish he hadn’t stopped his life, I wish that we’d seen earlier what he was doing. It’s just...”  
“It’s what hun?”  
“It’s just, you watch your kids grow up and you know that they can take care of themselves but you can’t help but want to step in when it gets tough. And Adam let me do that. He needed me again in a way he hasn’t in years and I hate the reason behind that need but...but it still felt nice. Which makes me sound like a horrible person, that I could find any good in the situation at all.”  
“No it doesn’t.”  
“But Neil, Neil has been hurting too but he wouldn’t let me in and I forgot to keep asking. How could I forget to keep asking? He simply set up shop in Adam’s house and never left. And it didn't strike me as strange. It was just another thing that I accepted as part and parcel of what happened. But maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have questioned why he was putting his life on hold? Because once we actually tried it didn't take that much convincing for him to go back to New York. Well it took some he wasn't, he isn't, particularly happy about it but I don't think he was particularly happy here either. And isn't that something I should have done something about? He's mine just as much as Adam is and I just...oh fuck it Kim you know there's no punishment harsh enough for those bastards and I know they're in jail but it just seems so, I don't know, it just doesn't seem enough. In one night they screwed up both my sons and apart from trying to put them back together there's not a damn thing I can do about it. And I have no idea what's going through Neil's mind because he won't talk to me about it. Maybe I left it too long.”  
“Has Neil spoken to anyone about it?”  
“Adam said he’s been seeing a shrink so I suppose that’s something but I just, I feel like we failed him. We just, it just all got so complicated and hard there for a while and he fell through the cracks a little. I let him down by allowing that to happen.”  
“Honey I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself. Neil’s a good kid and maybe he thought that it was right for him to step back and allow Adam the support he needed. He probably thought that all your attention should be focused in the one direction rather than split between the two of them.”  
“But if it were Kris and Daniel, would you have completely ignored one in favour of the other?”  
“Okay one, you didn’t ignore Neil, if something had been seriously wrong you've noticed and two, I simply don’t know what I would have done. Honestly Leila, I have no idea how you coped with everything that happened.”  
“There was nothing else I could do. It wasn’t about me it was about Adam.”  
“Which is probably exactly what Neil was thinking.”  
“But…”  
“No buts. Neil ain’t exactly a wallflower hun. That boy has opinions on everything and will happily tell anyone whether they care to hear them or not. He _would_ tell you if something were wrong. Let him deal with it his way and if you see him floundering, then you step in. You focused where you needed to. You got your boy back up and running again after something that could have made him crawl. You were where you needed to be when you needed to be and now Adam is back on stage and Neil is back in New York and that’s at least partially your doing. Now drink up, I booked us in for a few spar treatments courtesy of Kris.”  
“Kim you shouldn’t have!”  
“It was his idea.”  
“You know that’s quite a kid you raised there.”  
“Well then it’s no surprise that he’s so fond of yours.”  
“And mine would be horrified at the idea that I made us late for a beauty treatment so lead the way. Please tell me you’re not driving after all that wine?”  
“Kris arranged a car for us.”  
“You’re enjoying the LA lifestyle I see.”  
“If he’s going to keep calling me out to housesit while he gallivants around the country singing his songs with his friends then you can best believe I’m going to take advantage of all that his life has to offer.”  
“You, Kim Allen, are a woman after my own heart!”

 

** Scene Twenty-One **

Neil watched out of the corner of his eye as Kris made his way round Adam’s kitchen, knowing exactly where everything was kept. In the three weeks that Adam had been back at his own house Kris had become pretty much a permanent feature. Neil was just glad that the other three Musketeers were around less often as together they were a little too peppy for Neil’s cynicism to handle. Maybe thinking of them as four Musketeers was a little strange, after all who would that make Adam? Hell, who would that make him? Kris was obviously d’Artagnan, or maybe that was Katy? And Lil was Athos unless she was around Brad, Porthos, and then she became Porthos as well. And really you should try being in the same room as two Porthos’s! In fact, Brad seemed to make Porthos’s out of them all! Well, apart from Kris, Kris was resilient to Brad’s over enthusiastic tendencies and it only made Neil like him that much more. Sure, it had been more than a little amusing to see Katy and Lil so quickly caught up in the whirlwind of energy that was his brother’s ex but after a while it just got tiring.

But Neil liked Kris and was glad that he’d been around as much as he had; he was a very calming influence in the house. And he was somebody Adam listened to, which was considerably more than Neil was at the moment.

“I’m just saying that maybe it’s time you thought about heading back into the world a little?”  
“And I’m just saying that it’s no ones fucking business.”  
“I didn’t mean for anyone else. I meant for you. You’ve not left the house since you got here.”  
“Neil, for fucks sake, let it go will you.”

Neil glanced over at Kris who was now leaning against the work surface eating a bowl of cereal and watching the exchange. Kris noticed him looking and Neil saw the small nod of encouragement sent his way. It was good to know that someone was on his side, even if he wasn’t willing to speak up just yet.

“Adam, dude, I know that you’re nervous but there’s...”  
“I’m not fucking nervous. Why would I be nervous?”

Neil rolled his eyes. Sometimes the stubbornness that was their genetic code could be a real bitch.

“Oh I have no idea, how about because the last time you went out you were attacked and then humiliated by having it filmed and played on every fucking medium available. Maybe because the whole world has seen you at your lowest. Or how about the fact that you have yet to even let anyone not a friend know you’re still alive. Yeah Adam, why the hell would you be nervous!!”

Sometimes the sarcasm that was their genetic default could also be a bitch. Neil really hadn’t meant to say, yell, any of that and the look on Kris’s face told him that maybe he’d gone too far.

The silence that filled the kitchen nearly pulled an apology out of him but a small giggle coming from Adam’s direction stopped Neil short. He knew the frown and shock on Kris’s face was mirrored on his own. Adam looked at them both and his giggles evolved into full blown laughter.

“Oh my god, guys, your faces!”

Huh?

“Neil, dude, you look like you just punted a puppy off a bridge and now regret it with Kris stood by watching. And while I appreciate your worry at offending me with such a poorly thought out and possibly insensitive argument I am not a punted puppy.”  
“Adam I’m so sorry I didn’t mean...”  
“Yeah you really did but it’s cool. You’ve got a point. You had a pretty good argument that might have sounded better if you hadn’t yelled it and I know that I need to leave the house but I just can’t, not yet. Please understand.”

Neil nodded out of reflex. He didn’t know how to react to rational Adam. Adam had never been rational. Rationality was not his strong point. Anyone who favoured rationality would not be seen wearing some of the outfits Adam had in his closet. And they sure as hell wouldn’t think that a flaming headdress could ever be subtle. Neil didn’t know what to think of this new Adam.

“We understand Adam we just worry about you.”

Kris was apparently having less hard a time accepting it. But Kris did seem to accept most things pretty easily.

“And I’m not going to tell you that you don’t need to because to be honest I’m not sure that would be true. I’d probably worry about me as well. But it’s only been three weeks. They only caught the guys a week ago. I just, I just need some more time.”

Neil looked at Kris as he put his now empty bowl in the sink and moved over to Adam, pulling him into a hug. Neil had never been a touchy feely person and Kris’s ninja hugging skills still bemused him but Adam returned the hug in full every time so there was obviously something in it.

Adam hadn’t been around many people since the attack and all of them, apart from their father and himself, had been considerably smaller, or female, than him. Neil had seen Adam flinch away from their father’s touch every time. Neil had only attempted to pull him into a hug once but he’d noticed that again Adam had instinctively retreated. But Kris, and Brad, Adam had no problem with which Neil only hoped was because they were so much smaller than him. Neil knew he should probably feel offended or hurt by this like his father did but he didn’t, he just felt angry. All these stupidly small ramifications because of an act by stupid people with stupid fucking beliefs! But if it made Adam uncomfortable he would simply stop touching him. It would be as easy as that.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Adam reluctantly pulled out of the hug.

“No Kris, I really don’t.”

Neil wondered if maybe talking about it was something Adam needed to do. And he didn’t mean to them because they sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing, that was for damn sure.

“Maybe you should talk to someone.”  
“Neil did I not just fucking say...”  
“Not us asswipe. Someone else, someone qualified.”  
“You mean a shrink.”  
“I mean a shrink.”  
“I am not crazy.”  
“No more than you’ve always been.”  
“Bitch.”  
“Douche. But you don’t have to be crazy to need to talk. I’m guessing if you were crazy you would probably not talk, so by not talking you’re proving that you’re crazy. So you should just talk to someone.”  
“Did that sentence make any sense to you in your head because it sure as hell didn’t as it came out of your mouth.”

Again Neil looked to Kris for backup.

“It really didn’t dude sorry. But Adam, I think what Neil meant was, anyone would feel the need for help after what has happened. It doesn’t make you crazy. In fact, I would say that all of us could probably do with a little help.”  
“So would you be going as well?”  
“Well, I’m...this is...God this sounds bad when I say it out loud, but I’ve actually been writing a lot.”  
“Songs?”

As soon as it came out of his mouth Neil knew that it was a stupid question.

“No idiot, the musician has taken up blogging like you.”  
“Yeah, songs. I’ve been, well I’ve been, it just needed somewhere to come out you know. And Katy was worried that it would be exploitative but I played her one of them and, well, it’s not about actual events but there’s emotions and stuff that maybe might be influenced by things and she liked it so I’ve carried on.”  
“You’re writing songs!”

Neil was stuck on that one idea. How could Kris find an outlet so easily? He wanted to write about it but there was no way he could go online about this. No way he could write a proper article for a paper either. Even if he was a big enough dick for that to seem like a good idea Adam would fucking kill him. And at the moment Adam came first.

“Kris that’s great. I hope you play them for me at some point.”

So Adam was okay with Kris writing songs about it? But, what about killing him? He’d kill Neil! But Kris gets an out! How is that fair? And wow, Neil got angry again far quicker than he really should.

“Of course I will. Maybe I’ll bring my guitar over tomorrow, we could jam for a bit.”

Maybe this was something he needed to deal with. Maybe Kris was right and Adam wasn’t the only one who should talk to someone. Neil had never considered seeing a shrink before but there was a first time for everything.

“I don’t play anything.”  
“It’s not like you can’t sing along. And Neil, you play the piano right?”

Neil focused back in on the conversation.

“Huh?”  
“You play the piano right?”  
“A bit.”  
“Cool, then it’s sorted. Tomorrow we play.”  
“We play what?”  
“Keep up runt. We’re going to have a jamming session and you’re our pianist.”  
“But...”  
“Uh uh. No. It’s my house and so it’s my rules and my rules now say that tomorrow is music day.”  
“Whatever man.”

Neil picked up his drink in an attempt to hide the smile that was crossing his face. He might not be as good a singer as Adam or a musician as Kris but it sounded fun. It sounded like the first good idea to be had in this house for a while. However he could see Kris worrying his lower lip.

“Hey Adam?”  
“Yeah Kris.”  
“Would, I mean, doesn’t Cassidy play? I know you’ve not seen him since that night but maybe it would be nice if he joined us?”

Neil hadn’t been here when the attack had happened, or for two days after. He didn’t really know what went on that night or the following day, but he knew that Cassidy was a sore subject for several people. Brad especially seemed to be having trouble accepting things. Not that Brad blamed Cassidy for anything that happened that night but they were best friends and Neil knew that Brad couldn’t understand why Cassidy hadn’t seen anyone since it happened. Neil was pretty sure Brad had even stood outside his apartment and shouted at the door for a while to no avail. Cassidy just seemed to be pulling further and further away and in turn Brad was getting angrier and angrier. Or, as Neil suspected was actually the truth, more and more hurt.

“I wish he would Kris I really do but he won’t answer my calls. And when he actually does it’s the briefest, shallowest conversations I’ve ever had with him. But maybe I should try again.”

Neil didn’t know many things about what had gone down but he knew that there was no way that Cassidy was coming over tomorrow to play his guitar.

The sound of the door’s buzzer sounded and Neil moved to the intercom to answer it. There had been a few occasions in the past weeks when a reporter, if you could call them that, had rung the buzzer and proceeded to try and ask questions over the line. Security had been beefed up, a big old fence had been added to the grounds of the house, and the intrusions had lessened. But you could never be too careful.

“Hello.”  
“Open up bitches the party has arrived.”

Neil sighed and looked over at the smile on Adam’s face.

“We didn’t order a party you must have the wrong house.”  
“Open the door runt.”  
“Brad!”  
“Mama Cherry you know I say it with love, even for the brat.”

He could hear Adam and Kris trying not to laugh too loudly.

“Brad! Leave it to me Sweet Cheeks. Neil, you open this door right now and tell the chuckle brothers to put on the kettle. I’ve got a long day’s travel ahead of me and I need some of Adam’s tea before heading back to my babies.”  
“Yes Lil.”

Neil pressed the button to open the front door. Adam had started complaining loudly as he moved to fill the kettle.

“I told you! I warned you, letting them become friends was a bad idea. Did you listen? No one ever listens to me which is amazing because my ideas are all brilliant as you should know. But no, you think you know better and...”****

 

** Scene Twenty-Two **

**Monday 10:45pm**

Adam sat watching Cassidy from across the table as his friend tried not to stare at Mr Cute Eyes and Ass as he headed to the bar to buy drinks.

“You’re making googly eyes.”

Cassidy jumped at his voice and Adam giggled. A slightly blush spread across Cassidy’s cheeks. Adam saw him roll his eyes but the smile still splitting his face ruined the effect.

“You have to admit he’s cute.”  
“Not my type.”  
“And thank god for that, but on a purely aesthetic level...”  
“On a purely aesthetic level I can see that he’s attractive yes. However, as you’ve been calling me Glitter Boy for the past hour I’m not quite ready to admit that you’re right this time.”  
“I told you I couldn’t call you Adam! I don’t know him well enough to nickname him.”  
“He could have been Adam Two. It would be like Audrey Two only without him being a man eating plant.”  
“You can take the boy out of the theatre but...”  
“Oooo, maybe I’ll have a man eating plant theme on my next tour; exotic and deadly. Nothing big, just part of the set or something. It’ll be subtle.”  
“Remind me to show you the dictionary definition of that word one day because I’m pretty sure that you’re misunderstanding it.”  
“What? It’s not like I’ll be dressed as a man eating plant, that would be weird.”

Adam starting thinking about the set possibilities for his next tour. Not that he was anywhere near touring with new material yet. He still had to finish his never ending ‘For Your Entertainment’ tour. Maybe he could add the plants into that? Although the whole futuristic club theme of this one might make that a little hard.

A foot kicking his shin pulled him back into the room.

“You can’t help yourself can you. It’s all work work work these days.”

Despite his words Cassidy was smiling at Adam who was now taking his turn to blush.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m listening.”  
“I was just asking what you thought of Adam Two?”

He smiled at his friend’s use of the silly name. He glanced around quickly to make sure that Adam Two was still at the bar before he spoke.

“Well he’s cute as you so rightly pointed out. And he seems nice enough, not too star struck so that’s a plus in my book. Although you are a cruel man Cassidy Haley for not telling him who you were going out with tonight. He looked a little surprised.”  
“So you wanted me to broadcast where you were going to be to someone I don’t really know?”  
“Okay, you have a point there and I definitely owe you for thinking of that. I keep forgetting.”  
“I’d noticed.”  
“But, and remember he’s definitely on his best behaviour at the moment, he seems like a nice guy.”  
“He does doesn’t he. I just, I really like him you know? I’ve only known him for a really short while but I get a good vibe off of him.”

Adam smiled at his friend.

“He does have good energy. I’m really happy for you Cass.”

Adam took Cassidy’s hand in his own and gave it a gentle squeeze. He pulled his hand away and lent back into the booth and the shadows. No one in the bar seemed to care, or notice, who he was but he didn’t want to take the risk. He’d had a really good night and didn’t want it ruined by some of his more stalkerish fans showing up. He loved his fans but there were times when you needed space for yourself.

“Talking of, how’s the hunt going?”  
“I’m not hunting, you know this.”  
“I know, but I also know you and know that no amount of random hook-ups are going to be enough for you.”  
“I’m just too busy at the moment.”  
“Which I understand I do. But last time you slutted yourself around there weren’t hundreds of cameras judging your every move and you still regretted it afterwards. I’m just saying, we’re not always around to pick you back up like we used to be so just take care of yourself okay.”  
“Yes Mom.”  
“Mock me all you like but you know that I speak the truth.”

Adam really did appreciate the concern. He often worried that his friends felt neglected in his new life so it was nice to know that if they did, they didn’t appear to hold any resentment over it. However Adam could feel a yawn building in him. Between the alcohol they’d drunk over the past few hours and the relentless pace of his life he now found himself thinking wistfully of his bed.

“I promise I’m taking care of myself. In fact, I’m taking care of myself so well that I really should be off.”  
“So soon?”  
“I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I am so tired. Seriously, I’ve been looking forward to this night off since I found out about it last week. And now it’s here I kinda just want to sleep. Oh my God, I’ve become boring!”  
“You are many things Adam, boring is not one of them. However tired I’ll believe.”  
“You gonna be okay here by yourself? You want me to stick around a bit more?”

The sweet smile Cassidy sent his way was almost enough to make Adam wonder why they had never tried the dating thing.

“And you called me Mom! I love you for being concerned but I’ll be fine. Plus, we both got good vibes from him so....and Lady D’s on the door tonight and she _loves_ me ever since I helped her out with the consuming for her review last year. If he tried anything she’d be in there like a shot.”  
“And who wants to take on a 6ft 5 ex-footballer drag queen!”  
“Precisely.”

Adam had missed this and wished he could keep going for longer but he really was tired. He yawned again.

“I love my job but I wish it included more sleep!”  
“You’re getting old my friend.”  
“Maybe I should start thinking about Botox.”  
“I swear Adam, if you ever inject that shit into your face I will disown you!”  
“A little drastic there Cass.”  
“I’m not kidding Adam.”  
“I know I know. Kris would support you as well.”  
“Knew there was a reason I liked him.”

Adam picked up his jacket from the booth and slid it on. He took his phone out of the pocket, checked it, and then slid it into his jean pocket.

“Well I’d better stop Twoey before he buys me a drink.”  
“You calling a car?”  
“Nah, I’ll get a cab.”  
“Well take care. And call me tomorrow morning.”

Adam lent over the table and pulled Cassidy into a quick hug.

“Will do.”

They moved apart and Cassidy looked towards the bar.

“Better make that afternoon.”

Adam laughed as he waved goodbye. He walked over to the bar and tapped Adam Two on the shoulder.

“Hey man, I’m off.”  
“Already?”  
“Work tomorrow, gotta be at least partially conscious for it.”

Adam smiled at the other man and received a slightly nervous one in return. He reached out his hand and Adam Two took it.

“It was nice to meet you man.”  
“Yeah, you too.”

Adam sent a final smile in Cassidy’s direction and headed out of the bar. He smiled at Lady D as he left the club.

“You need me to call you a taxi baby?”

Adam turned to face her.

“Nah, there’s a bunch of cabs next to the bar down the road. I’ll just walk to them, it’s a nice night.”  
“Enjoy your stroll Adam.”  
“Will do.”

Adam smiled at her as she turned around and took up her conversation with the people standing outside the bar smoking.

Adam placed his hands in his pockets and started the two block walk. He had only got to the end of the building when suddenly he was grabbed and pulled into the alleyway next to the bar. A gloved hand covered his mouth and the sound of his scream was lost.****

 

** Scene Twenty-Three **

Kris’s car sped along the road to Adam’s house. He pulled up outside the new gate, keyed in the code on the remote in his car, and entered as the gates slid open. He nodded at the security guard on duty as he jumped out of his car and ran to the door. Standing in front of the door he was caught with a flash of the last time this had happened; a scared phone call from Adam and a mad dash to get to him as soon as possible. The similarity was so powerful he stumbled. Catching himself he thanked god that unlike that night ten weeks ago he’d been a lot closer to his destination. This time it had only been quarter of an hour from the time of the call to his arrival at the house. However the fear was the same; if pushed Kris might even admit that the fear was actually greater. After all, now he knew how bad things could truly be. Before, that first time, he’d had his imagination but he had no point of reference. Now his mind knew what real fear was.

Adam had sounded so scared in his phone call that although Kris knew he was at home, Adam was always at home, he worried that when the door opened Adam wouldn’t be there.

Kris rang the buzzer and waited for it to be picked up.

“Hello?”  
“Neil, it’s me.”  
“Oh right, come in.”

The buzz sounded and Kris pushed the door open entering at a run. Neil met Kris in the hall, a bottle of beer in his hand, a smile on his face.

“To what do we owe the ple...”  
“Where is he?”

Kris registered the shock on Neil’s face at his abrupt tone of voice. He took in the frown beginning to appear.

“Upstairs. He’s getting ready.”

Kris pushed past Neil and took the stairs two and a time.

“Kris, wait, what’s...what’s going on?”

Neil was following him, calling his questions as they ran to Adam’s bedroom. Kris pushed open the door and entered. Adam wasn’t there.

“Adam?”

Kris looked around the room but couldn’t see Adam anywhere. There was a pile of clothes on the bed which Kris recognised as one of Adam’s discarded outfit piles. Taking a quick glance in the walk in closet Kris made his way back out of the room.

“Kris?”

Kris ignored Neil as he made his way to the bathroom. Turning the handle Kris found that the door was locked.

“Adam? Adam! Open the door Adam.”

Kris listened for the sound of the door unlocking but heard nothing. He placed his ear against it in an attempt to hear something.

“Kris what’s...”

Kris held out his arm to quiet Neil’s question. In the silence he could hear breathing coming from the bathroom. Kris let out a small sigh of relief; at least he knew where Adam was.

“Kris what the fuck man?”

Kris turned to face Neil for the first time since entering the house and saw the genuine confusion and worry on his face.

“I got a phone call from Adam. He was freaking out and terrified so I came over.”  
“But nothing’s happened. I’ve been here the entire time. It’s just us. Even Mom’s out with, well, your Mom.”

Kris couldn’t comprehend how Neil had been in the same house but didn’t know something was wrong. Adam had been so scared!

“Well something scared him!”  
“There’s no one else here man. Honestly, you know I’d know if there was.”

Kris turned back to the door.

“Adam?”

Still no response.

“Kris what’s going on? He was fine. He was happily choosing his outfit for the night. He even got my opinion on one of his shirts.”

Kris froze for a second before violently spinning around to face Neil.

“Why was Adam choosing an outfit?”  
“He’s going out. Him, Brad, Alisan, Danielle, Cassidy, Ferres, everyone. They’re all heading to some club or something.”  
“What...you...why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Did you want to go?”  
“God, fucking no. Neil, you’re smarter than this! Shit!”

Kris turned back to the door and pressed against it. He knocked lightly on the door.

“Adam, Adam. Adam, it’s Kris. Please darlin’ open the door. It’s just me.”

Kris heard some movement behind the door but still it didn’t unlock. He leaned his forehead against the wood.

“Come on Adam, open the door. I know you can hear me but I want you to listen to me. You’re safe, you’re not alone...please unlock the door.”

A few moments later Kris was rewarded with the sound of a quiet click. He turned to Neil who nodded his agreement. Kris took a deep breath and slid into the room. He closed the door behind him.

The smell of the room was a little overpowering; a mixture of beer, hairspray and vomit. Looking around the room Kris saw a broken bottle of beer by the sink, its contents making the floor sticky as it dried. Adam was sat on the floor wedged between the toilet and the bath. His arms were wrapped around his knees which had been pulled close to his body. His head was resting on his knees facing away from Kris. He was visibly shaking.

Kris knelt in front of Adam but didn’t touch him.

“Adam? Adam it’s Kris.”

Adam turned his head so that he was looking at Kris. There were mascara trails running down his face but he was no longer crying. At least he had acknowledged his presence. That had to be a good sign.

“Hey there darlin’.

Kris smiled at Adam, he didn’t feel like smiling and he wasn’t sure how believable it was, but he needed to try and reassure his friend in some way.

“I threw up.”

Kris nearly missed the words, whispered as they were, but the misery in Adam’s eyes was clear.

“Well that’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”

Kris cautiously moved his hand to Adam’s knee. When Adam didn’t flinch away Kris moved closer. He sat so that he was leaning against the bathtub, almost penning Adam in but Adam didn’t seem to care.

“Want to talk about it?”  
“Not really no.”

Kris sighed. Adam had refused to talk to anyone since the attack. He claimed he was dealing with it his own way but apart from the occasional day spent at Kris’s he had yet to leave the safety of his house. Kris only hoped that this episode had convinced Adam that perhaps he was less fine than he thought.

“Do you think that perhaps you should talk about it?”

Adam looked away from Kris.

“Probably.”

The smell in the bathroom was beginning to give Kris a headache so god knows what it was doing to Adam with his tendency for migraines. Maybe this was a conversation that would be better served elsewhere? But Adam didn’t look in any state to move at the moment so the beer covered bathroom floor would have to do.

“So?”

Kris watched as Adam lent his head back against the wall and ran a hand over his face. Adam was obviously working through something in his head and Kris wished he knew what it was, wished he could make this easier for him, but all he could do was wait. He tried not to stare as Adam chewed on his bottom lip, rolled his eyes, and shook his head at himself. There was an argument going on that Kris couldn’t hear, that he could only hope came out in his favour.

“I broke the bottle.”

Kris turned his head so that he was looking straight at Adam.

“Excuse me?”  
“I broke the fucking beer bottle Neil left in here and the smell...and I was back in that alley. I moved my hand to pick up a tissue because I couldn’t put my makeup on correctly my hand was shaking so badly, I hit the bottle, it crashed to the floor, beer went everywhere and I...fuck I don’t know flashed back or some shit like that. I...I was meant to be going out tonight!”  
“Did you want to?”  
“Not even a little. But it’s good for me right? Can’t hold up in here forever. And everyone was going but, sorting through my clothes and finding an outfit and getting ready, it was all so familiar. I love that part of going out but this time it was _familiar_ and I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time I did all that. Me and Cass, just doing our thing. And then I knocked the bottle over and the smell, fuck the smell and I was there, I was there again and I was alone and I...and you...and...why are you here anyway?”  
“You called me.”  
“I did? When?”

Kris looked at his watch, had it really only been half an hour ago that he’d run out of dinner with Katy, jumped into his car, and raced over here?

“Thirty minutes ago.”  
“Really?”  
“Really.”  
“I don’t remember doing that.”  
“I’m glad you did.”

Kris felt something brush his legs and saw Adam’s hand. He was holding it out and Kris took it like the lifeline he knew it was.

“I think I should maybe talk to someone, a therapist or something. I think...I think maybe I need to.  
“If you think it’s what you need to do then I think it’s a good idea.”

They sat in silence for a while before Adam started to move about.

“Shit the smell in here.”  
“You want to move?”  
“Please.”

Kris stood on unsteady legs and pulled Adam up with him. He started to pull them towards the door.

“Just a second.”

Adam reached over and flushed the toilet.

“That should get some of it. Neil can do the rest later, it was his fucking bottle after all.”  
“Hey!”

Neil’s voice was muffled through the door and both Adam and Kris let out a small laugh at his protest. Kris was surprised he was still out there but Neil had been surprising him a lot over the past ten weeks. Kris pulled the door open and led them out into the hall. Neil was sat on the ground opposite the door. He looked up at them, regret and sorrow in his eyes.

“Adam I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. I'd never have bought beer if I’d known.”

Adam pulled his hand out of Kris’s and knelt down in front of his brother. Neil looked away.

“Hey look at me, look at me runt.”

Adam used his hand to lift Neil’s chin so he was looking him in the eye.

“If I didn’t know that was going to happen there is no way you could have known. Not your fault.”  
“But...”  
“Not. Your. Fault. Got me?”

Kris saw Neil nod his head and Adam smile at him. It was still shaky but it was a start.

“Good.”

Adam stood back up and pulled Neil with him. Kris wondered how Adam had so quickly gone from needing the pull to giving it. He just didn’t know how Adam did it, how he kept going.

“Now I’d better call someone otherwise everyone will end up coming round here wondering where I am instead of going out. That’s it! I’m brilliant! Neil, clean the bathroom. Kris, call your beautiful wife and get her ass over here. We’ve got an Adam’s-still-not-ready-to-leave-the-house-but-wants-to-dance party to get up and running in the next hour.”

Kris found himself nodding along with Neil as they were ushered to do their assigned tasks. He watched as Adam grabbed his phone and dialled a number. It was only a few seconds before it was answered, Brad’s voice as clear through the line as it always was.

“Hey hun.  
“Hey B. Listen, I can’t come out tonight. I really sorry.”  
“Adam? Is everything okay?”  
“Honestly, no it’s not. But it’s going to be. But I can’t go out tonight. I can however hold a party right here. What do you say?”  
“Umm...”  
“What is it Brad?”  
“Nothing it’s nothing.”  
“Bull and shit.”  
“It’s...look, Cass turned up at mine earlier and I have no idea what he’s taken but he’s high as a fucking kite and maybe being round yours wouldn’t be the best thing for him or you right now. He’s already accidentally smashed my lamp with his overenthusiastic arm movements. Your shit costs a lot more than mine does.”  
“Oh honey.”  
“I know alright I know but I can’t just leave him like this. Fuck knows what’ll happen. But I will call everyone else and they will be there.”  
“Take care of yourself okay.”  
“Yeah yeah.”  
“Promise me Brad.”  
“It’s Cass, Adam.”  
“I know, but I just worry, about both of you. I’d be having the same conversation with him if this were the other way round.”  
“No you wouldn’t but I appreciate the attempt at an ego boost. I’ll be round tomorrow.”  
“I, I might be out tomorrow. You’d better make it the evening.”  
“Out? As in somewhere not Kris’s?”  
“As in.”

Kris could head Brad’s smile grow over the phone.

“I’ll bring take out. I’ll make sure everyone else turns up. Go get your party ready. Love you.”  
“You too.”

Adam hung up the phone. Kris and Neil both waited for him to speak before moving. Adam looked up at them, the hint of sadness in his eyes quickly being replaced with resolution.

“Battle stations people, time's a wasting and there’s dancing to be done. Everything else, well for everything else there’s tomorrow.”

 

** Scene Twenty-Four **

  


“Tonight at Ten. In what could prove to be a groundbreaking case American television stations have been ordered to pay a total of $5 million after a court rules in favour of Adam Lambert. American television stations are in shock after the courts found in favour of Adam Lambert and his law suit against all the major broadcast companies for emotional and mental anguish. Lambert claimed that the repeated broadcasting of a video of an attack on him 18 months ago meant that he, his family, and his friends have been forced to relive the experience over a sustained period of time causing emotional duress and mental instability.”

“The video has been broadcast without my consent over a substantial period of time. This repeated visual reminder of the worst night of my life has been a source of pain and suffering for myself and those I love and care for. It has made it impossible to move on from the original attack.”

“The NHS has come under fire once again as a new wave of patients are diagnosed with MRSA. Brighton General, the hospital at the centre of the outbreak, has been closed for the wards to be steam-cleaned.

A man in Doncaster has been found dead in his garden after one of the coldest night of the year. Police believe he fell asleep outside whilst drunk, they do not suspect foul play.

Good evening, an American court ruled today in favour of Adam Lambert in his case against the television stations that showed the footage of his attack 18 months ago. The stations have been ordered to pay Lambert a total of $5 million, an amount which will be split between them. Lambert has stated that he does not want the money, all of which will be donated to a selection of charities, but that he felt an example needed to be set. The internet company Google, owners of the video sharing site YouTube, were not fined as it was ruled that it would have been impossible to stop it from being uploaded and they removed it as soon as they became aware of it. Leila Lambert, the plaintiff’s mother, was at the court today as the decision was reached.

“We’re very happy with the result, there’s a feeling of vindication after the turmoil the video has put our family through. Just because a film isn’t professionally shot doesn’t mean that the people in it can’t suffer from emotional harm because of its broadcasting. If it were any other type of film Adam would have had to sign a contract before it would be allowed to be screened. Because of the format of this film he was not given that option. Its repeated broadcasting removed my son’s right to privacy. Anyone can put anything they like up on the internet, that’s always going to be hard to stop, but the broadcast stations should be held accountable for their actions.”

“The ruling could have major ramifications for broadcast companies who previously have been allowed to show footage from the internet without the permission of those in the film. The American broadcast industry will now be forced to review their policies on what they can and can’t show in their programming.

The NHS have once again come...”

 

**Scene Twenty-Five **

“Why can’t I just fast-forward to the bit I want to see!! You promised me a performance by my hot mama!”  
“Glad to see you’ve learned the meaning of patience.”  
“I’m as patient as anyone else but if I have to listen to Little Miss Sunshine sing one more out of tune note on another show just because big bad Kanye stole her award for all of a minute I’m going to scream.”  
“How would we know the difference from when you’re talking?”

Brad wasn’t so caught up his faux argument with Neil that he didn’t see Kris roll his eyes at them. He heard the exaggerated sigh which was accompanied by Katy’s laughter and he saw the way Kris poked Adam’s leg.

He felt a little envious at the way the three of them were so firmly entangled together on the sofa but knew that over the past five months Kris and Adam’s already strong friendship had grown into something else completely. His own friendship with Adam had changed since the attack as well; it had grown to the strongest it had been since they broke up. But his continued attempts at pulling Cassidy back to reality had meant that he hadn’t been able to focus entirely on Adam the way Kris had. Kris and Adam, and by default Katy, had become almost inseparable, almost to the detriment of Kris’s career. But he had been pulled in two directions, he had two friends who needed his help and he wasn’t quite ready to let go of either of them, not just yet.

He saw the fond look Adam gave Kris and was grateful that there had been someone who had been 100% dedicated to Adam since the attack who wasn’t related to him. Neil, Leila and Eber were, on some level, required to be entirely supportive so it was good for Adam to know that there was someone who had chosen to be there for him without a familial bond.

Adam’s fond look quickly turned into a smirk.

“What? You invited them.”  
“Well they belong to you.”

As much as he loved Adam, Brad wasn’t sure that he appreciated being called someone’s property. And from the look on Neil’s face he was pretty sure that for once they were in agreement on something.

“Excuse me but I belong to no one!”

It was a token protest, and one he wasn’t absolutely sure he meant, but it was something. In some respects he did belong to Adam, they all did. Just as Adam belonged to all of them.

“I think they’re yours as much as mine by now.”

And wasn’t that a kicker! Kris hadn’t become part of his and Adam’s circle of friends, but somewhere along the line they had created a new circle all of their own. The most unlikely group of people had become his core group of friends sometime over the past five months. Being thrown together in the strangest, and harshest, of circumstances had bonded him to people he would never have looked at twice before. He never truly understood Adam and Kris’s friendship before this, how could people so different get on so well? But he got it now, he understood what had grown throughout Idol. And Adam was right he did belong to Kris, and Katy and Lil and Neil, just as much as they belonged to him. They were his to love, his to protect; his strange little family. And he would put it all up, place it all on hold, for them as he had for Adam. Sure he might complain about it a little more, especially Neil, but he’d travel cross country to get to them if they needed him; just as Lil had been doing every other week since she’d moved back home. The fact that it had been Kris he’d phoned to come pick him up the night he’d had that massive row with Alisan about Cassidy had proven this to him.

“Does that mean I have to help with their care and feeding? Have they got all their shots? You’d better have house trained them. Hey!”

Brad focused on looking innocent and not at all like he’d just thrown a cushion at Kris. He turned back to the television. Chris Evans was stood on the stage looking amazing as always and he was introducing...

“Yes! It’s time bitches.”

The whole room focused as Lil walked to the front of the stage, her band behind her. Kris and Adam immediately started analysing the performance.

“I’m so glad she got the band and made them that prominent.”  
“It makes her a little different doesn’t it. There’s a balance on the stage not present with the other female singers out there...except for Allie of course. But it sets her apart.”  
“Def, she’s way more comfortable with being herself on that stage. Man I love this song! It’s just so raw you know.”

Everyone in the room knew that for her first single Lil’s management had chosen one of the songs she had recorded in her weeks in LA but Brad was pretty sure he was the only one who knew that the track had been laid down that day after the attack. Lil had fought her management on the idea of using it as the first single, not wanting to have to perform that song repeatedly throughout the promotion, but for once the record label had been right to put their foot down. Not only was it ready before everything else and could start picking up radio play before she finished her other recordings, but it also held a real emotional punch. Brad wouldn’t tell the others as long as Lil didn’t want them to know, but to hear Adam’s praise for the song made him wish he could. He thought that Adam would be moved to know that the emotion of the song, even though it was technically about lost love, was actually for him.

They all sat and watched as Lil moved about the stage, owning her first major television performance since Idol. They clapped and cheered along with the audience when she was done. Brad watched as the images on the television cut between Lil and the audience, making sure to focus on Allison standing and cheering loudly.

“You should be there.”

As their cheers died down Adam’s voice cut through the room. Brad looked over and saw him giving Kris a regretful look.

“No I should be here.”

Kris’s voice was resolved but a little weary; this was obviously not the first time they'd had this conversation.

“Kris, you’re going to have another album to promote soon with all the songs you’ve been writing and recording. You need to go to these things when they invite you.”  
“Did they invite you?”  
“Of course they did.”  
“You didn’t go.”  
“And have everyone stare at me!”  
“You don’t go, I don’t go.”  
“That’s the stupidest argument I’ve ever heard!”  
“Well then I’m stupid because I’m sticking to it. I hate those things anyway, and I wouldn’t have been performing or even presenting, I would have just been sitting there like a lemon. And I’d rather be here with y’all.”

Brad could sense Adam’s growing frustration but the look on Kris’s face said he was not going to back down.

“God, you’re...you’re, you’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met!”

Brad recognised the pout on Adam’s face well. It was the expression he used when he knew he wasn’t going to win the argument but didn’t want to accept it. Left to his own devices Adam would probably sit in a huff for the rest of the night but Brad would not allow that to happen. This was a fun night, a celebratory night, and Adam’s snit was not going to ruin it.

“If you don’t want people to still talk about what happened then maybe you need to give them something else to talk about.”

Brad was amazed at how even though he’d opened his mouth it had been Neil’s voice that he had heard. He was even more amazed that it had said something so much more useful than his planned ‘pouting’s not a good look for you’ comment.

“And how exactly am I going to do that?”

The venom in Adam’s voice was a familiar sound these days. Ever since he’d started going to therapy he’d become more vocal about his feelings, especially his anger. He always apologised afterwards but they had all gotten used to letting the comments roll of their backs. The look on Neil’s face, and the reproach on Kris’s, obviously clued Adam into how he’d reacted and, just as Brad knew he would, he was instantly apologetic.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...that came out wrong.”

Brad wanted to hug him and wipe the shame and tiredness off of his face but Kris and Katy seemed to have that covered already. Both were rubbing some part of Adam’s body in at an attempt to comfort him; Kris had gone for his back, Katy his leg. Brad muted the television and watched as Adam relaxed.

Neil tried again.

“What I was trying to say is that maybe you might want to consider perhaps getting back to work?”  
“Work?”  
“Yeah, you know dancing, singing, offending Bill O’Reilly.”

The smiles that had been present in the room not too long ago began to reappear and Brad was pretty sure he could help keep them there.

“Oh how I miss being a pair of eyes attached to a blur.”  
“I remember one of my friends showing me that segment, showing me Kris’s competition, and being jealous of how amazing your eyelashes were.”  
“Baby doll you say the nicest things.”  
“Thanks Katy, because what Brad needed was an ego boost.”

Brad sent his best glare to Neil.

“Great, now I’m going to have to build a bigger door for his head to get through before he can leave tonight.”

On second thoughts, Adam got his best glare. The laugh he received in return was worth the teasing.

“When did this become pick on Cheeks night?”

No one got time to answer him as his phone beeped with a message. He picked it up, read it, and smiled.

“Apparently Will Smith just congratulated Lil on her performance. She’s currently doing a happy dance.”  
“Tell her she deserves it.”

Brad typed Kris’s answer, with his own flair of course.

“You really think that I should go back to work?”

He pressed send and looked up at Adam.

“Do you think you’re ready to?”  
“I think, I think I have half a tour to complete and that...you know what? Yes, I do. I mean, I’ll have to check with my therapist and everything, see if it’s a good idea, but I miss it you know. I, I want to get back on stage. I’m ready to get back on stage.”

 

** Scene Twenty-Six **

**Monday 11:02pm**

The arms wrapped around his body pulled him further and further into the alley behind the bar. His hands had been in his pockets when he’d been grabbed and the way he was being held, one strong arm wrapped around his chest, limited his movement further and stopped him from releasing them. A hand was pushed hard against his mouth preventing his screams, and god was he screaming, from being heard. He was trapped!

Adam tried to get his footing but he was being pulled backwards and his feet kept falling out from under him. He was barely supporting any of his own weight and it was making any escape attempt impossible. Someone had to be able to hear this! He needed Lady D to hear him, he needed someone to hear him!

As the entrance to the alley got further and further away he knew his chance of escaping unharmed grew slimmer and slimmer. As panic overruled his thoughts Adam struggled harder, using his size and athleticism to kick and elbow any part of the body holding him. Nothing worked! He was pulled past the fire escape of the bar, Cassidy was in there, help was in there! Someone had to hear, fuck please someone had to hear! He kicked the dumpster as he was pulled past it but the noise from inside the bar covered the sound it made. He was going to die! Please don’t let him die!

Suddenly Adam was thrown to the ground, the pavement scraping his hands as he reached out to catch himself. He had barely hit the ground when pain exploded everywhere and took over his world. There were so many hands and feet. They were everywhere, he didn’t know where to hit back, and he couldn’t get back up. He was surrounded. No time to think, no time to plan, Adam curled up into a ball and tried to protect as much as possible. His sides, his arms, his legs, his back; it all hurt. He couldn’t catch his breath. He was going to die.

Then it stopped. It stopped! Were they gone? Was that it?

Adam lay on the ground panting. He needed to breathe, he needed to breathe! His head was fuzzy, the world was spinning. Slowly crawling to his hands and knees he sucked in a lung-full of air and started coughing. Fuck that hurt. He was trying to support himself but his arms wouldn’t stop shaking.

His arm was kicked out from under him and he went crashing back to the ground. A groan of pain left his mouth as his abused body hit the concrete. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to cope with the wave that washed over him but it was too much. He could hear the laughter around him; they were still there. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

A hand was in his hair and he was being pulled roughly to his knees. His eyes shot open and a masked man stood in front of him. His gaze darted from side to side, seeing more and more people around him. How many were there!?! The hand in his hair stopped him from turning his head.

“Let me the fuck go!”

He tried to sound strong, to sound angry, but he couldn’t stop the quiver in his voice.

A fist met his face and everything went black.

Adam could hear a rumble of noise around him but it all blurred together: conversation, laughter, the beat of music, the sound of cars in the street not too far away. His sight fell in and out of focus as he tried to hold onto something, anything. He wanted to scream, to call for help, but all his strength was going into bringing the world back into view. But as his sight returned and he saw the glint of metal in front of him he wondered if maybe he was better not knowing.

As he became fully aware of his surroundings again he realised he was still on his knees but the hand in his hair had been removed. It had been replaced by hands, so many hands, holding his arms painfully tight. There were too many hands on him; too many bodies surrounded him. He had nowhere to go.

Adam’s head was slumped, his chin resting against his chest and his hair covering his face, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the blade that was being held at eye level. The blade looked sharp, it looked large. It was large! He felt it touch his cheek and he quickly turned his head to the side, trying to get as far away from the blade as his limited movement would allow. His breathing sped up.

Laughter sounded around him. This was fun for them! This was entertainment.

“...think you can do anything you like you dis...”

The man holding the knife was crouched so that he was at the same height. He was talking and Adam thought that it might be important to listen. He didn’t want to make the man even angrier!

“...real man would let someone fuck him up at ass.”

The knife started trailing down his shirt, occasionally tearing the material and cutting into the skin beneath it. Adam tried to pull away but the hands held him steady. The blade reached his navel and paused for a second before continuing its decent.

“I saw the nail polish, I know you like to be fucked don’t you you fucking fag! You want to be a woman I’ll help make you one.”

Laughter surrounded him but Adam barely heard it as the knife rested on his groin. He held as still as possible. How did this happen? How did he get here?

After a few silent, long long, seconds the knife pulled away from his groin and the hand moved to his fly. Feeling the hand on his belt buckle Adam’s shaking increased.

“You want me to make you a girl? That it? Look at me when I’m talking to you fag.”

He was going to be raped, and cut, and murdered. Adam’s frantic mind tried to find some way out of the situation but there was nothing.

The man’s other hand, the one not currently struggling with his belt, cupped Adam’s face and pulled it so that he was looking straight at him. The hand on his belt stilled.

“Fucking hell!”

Without being able to see the man’s face Adam had no idea what he was thinking but the hand had stopped; that was all that mattered at the moment.

“What is it?”

The voice came from somewhere to Adam’s left but he didn’t care who. As long as they were talking amongst themselves they weren’t focusing on him. He tried to centre his breathing so he didn’t pass out. If he passed out he might never get the chance to wake up.

“It’s the Idol fag, the one who kissed a dude on the AMA’s.”

That caught Adam’s attention. He nearly laughed at the surprise in the voice. They hadn’t known who he was! He was simply another gay man who needed to be taught a lesson. Was it strange that it was a relief to know that he’d been attacked because he was gay, not because he was him? But how did this change the situation? Did it change anything?

“What?”  
“Fuck boys, we hit the motherload.”

Shit! That didn’t sound promising.

“Lambert right? Adam Lambert?”  
“Yeah him. The dude with the makeup.”

Shit! Shit! Shit!!

The hand on his face roughly pushed his head up so that the others could get a good look. He felt like a piece of property, a piece of meat, being turned this way and that so that everyone could get a good look; could see their prize. But god, if it meant he wasn’t going to die it was a good thing right? Maybe they’d want money instead, shit what if they decided to kidnap him for ransom?

“My girlfriend loves him.”  
“So does my daughter.”

Adam felt someone let go of his arm and saw another body move in front of him.

“I remember what this one likes.”

There was laughter in the voice, like he was telling a joke at a dinner table; an amusing tale of getting lost in the car on holiday or something. Not beating a man in an alleyway.

Then a hand was in his hair and his head was being pulled forward into the man’s crotch. As his face collided with the material he tried not to breathe. He pulled and pulled desperate to get away. Please not this! His panic grew and his breaths became more and more erratic. He was going to hyperventilate. As he struggled he could once again hear the laughter around him. They were amused! They found this funny! They found his terror hysterical.

Suddenly his head was released and he sprung back, desperate to get as far away from the man as possible. The hands holding him let him drop to the ground but the feet surrounding him meant he still had no escape.

A foot kicked him in the face and he was flipped onto his back by the force. The pounding in his head once again made focusing on the world around him hard but the unmistakeable sound of zippers opening could not be ignored. Adam pleaded to all and every deity to save him from this; to stop this. He couldn’t do this! He wouldn’t live through this, with this. He’d rather die.

But the hands he expected to feel on his body never appeared. Instead he felt water running down his face and hitting his hands. He felt his jeans soaking up the liquid as it hit. It wasn’t raining? It took a few seconds for the smell to hit him, to realise what was happening. He curled into a ball and he retreated into his mind.

Adam wondered how Kris was doing in Vegas. He hoped that the gig had been a success and that he was enjoying himself. Kris seemed to spend a lot of time in Vegas these days, playing the blues bars and watching other musicians. It would be nice to see Kris play there one of these days. He wondered how Cassidy’s date was going? He had liked Adam Two but wasn’t sure that he was what Cassidy was looking for. But a fun date didn’t have to lead to anything more serious than a fun night if it didn’t work out. He wondered if he had any food in his house for tomorrow lunch. After all, you didn’t need much for lunch did you!

Slowly coming back to the real world Adam became aware that he was alone. No one was surrounding him, no one was hitting him, no one was urinating on him. The muffled sound of the music coming from the bar filled the alley. The sound of people walking along the road past the entrance entered his consciousness. He couldn’t let people see him like this, he couldn’t! Slowly, painfully and quietly Adam pulled himself behind the dumpster. He reached the wall and raised himself into a sitting position. What if they came back? He needed something to defend himself with like he hadn’t done the first time. Why hadn’t he the first time? Looking around he saw nothing but empty bottles that had fallen out of the dumpster. Grabbing the nearest one he turned his head away and smashed it against the wall. The feeling of shattered glass falling across the skin of his hand barely registered.

He couldn’t stay here, he didn’t want to stay here. He wanted to go home! Without thinking he reached into his jean pocket he pulled his phone out. Not broken! It wasn’t broken!! He dialled the first number he could think of. Sitting leaning against the wall Adam listened as it rang. Please pick up! Please!

A click followed by a familiar voice reached Adam’s ear.

“Hey.”

Adam let out a sob of relief.

“Adam?”

Adam sucked in a shaky breath.

“Kris!”****

 

**Scene Twenty-Seven**

“Wow, thank you. This means, this means a lot. Wow, Record of the Year. Sorry I’m just a little shocked, was not expecting this...I really thought Coldplay would win. This is such an honour, all the songs in this category were amazing, I’ve bought them all. It was weird just being thought of in the same sentence, this is such a trip man.

Okay, firstly I’ve gotta thank my wife Katy. These past few years since we’ve been married have been hectic, first with Idol and then with everything that came after, and you’ve stuck with me throughout, been there for me and supported me. Without you, none of this is possible. But you know all this so... And my family, Mama, Dad, Daniel and everyone, there’s no way to thank you properly so I’m not even going to try, just know that I mean it. Okay, I have to thank Elizondo for being an amazing producer and helping me get this song to sound how I wanted it to even when I wasn’t making any sense. I gotta thank Cale and the guys for being the best band in the world and just being there. And I gotta thank Jive for being patient and letting me get the album done in my own time, for believing that I eventually would.

I...I’m not really known for being a big talker about things that matter, especially in public. I like my privacy, so please forgive me if this doesn’t come out right. I’ve never wanted to push my views on people, that’s not me. But there are things that have happened over the past two years that have needed talking about. You know what I’m referring to. There were things I needed to say but didn’t know how to and ‘Moving On’, and the other songs on the album, was a way for me to work through them. I...this song...that this song has been embraced as much as it has means so much to me it really does.

But ‘Moving On’ isn’t my song. I wrote it, I sang it, but it’s not mine. He’s not here but I know he’s watching because he texted me to tell me that this jacket is boring but that my hair looks cute. So I’m gonna, if y’all don’t mind...Adam, you know as well as I do that this song is yours, this belongs to you. You understood that this was how I needed it to be, you encouraged me when I found it hard to write even though hearing my songs must have been hard for you, you lent me your strength when I ran out of my own. I know people don’t understand our friendship and I’ve given up trying to make them, but without you I wouldn’t be here today. You dragged my ass through the tough days during and after Idol. You make me laugh when I’m sad or angry. You let me ramble when I need to and you sit quietly with me when I don’t want to talk. But more than that you let me do the same for you. You are stronger than I knew a person could ever be and you make me stronger with you. So thank you, this is yours. But no, you can’t literally have the award, I’m not that nice a person.”****

 

**Scene Twenty-Eight **

“Adam?”

Adam hitched in a breath at his friend’s voice.

“Kris!”

He pulled his knees up to his chest and lent his head against the wall behind him. He wasn’t alone. Kris was on the end of the phone. He wasn’t alone. It would all be okay, Kris would make it okay.

“Adam? What’s wrong?”

Adam could hear the panic rising in Kris’s voice in response to his own strange answers. He took in another shuddering breath but didn’t speak. He wasn’t sure he knew how to speak.

“Adam you’re scaring me, what’s going on?”  
“Kris…”  
“Adam what is it? What’s going on?”

In the background on Kris’s end of the phone Adam could hear voices. Kris must have been worrying whoever he was around with his change in mood. People, Cale, were asking what was happening. What was happening? What had happened?

“Kris…there…god there were so many of them!”  
“So many of who Adam?”  
“I tried fighting them but I couldn’t. They were too strong.”  
“Adam what’s happened? Where are you? Are you okay?”

Kris sounded really scared. Maybe he sounded just as scared.

“I want to go home.”  
“Adam you need to tell me where you are, I can’t help you if I don’t know where you are.”

What had happened? Adam didn’t understand what had happened.

“What happened Kris?”  
“I don’t know Adam, I don’t know.”

Kris sounded so frustrated, like he was about to start crying. Adam didn’t want Kris to sound like that. He needed Kris to not sound like that. Kris needed his help, he could help Kris. He’d focus on that. Help Kris.

“You…please tell me where you are? Can you do that for me Adam?”

He could do that.

“Outside the bar. I’m outside the bar, behind it.”  
“That’s good Adam, that’s brilliant. You’re doing perfectly. Can you tell me which bar?”  
“Oxygen.”  
“That’s perfect. Where’s Oxygen Adam?”  
“Wilson Boulevard.”

Adam heard Kris’s relieved sigh down the phone. That was good. He’d done the right thing.

“Adam, are you safe where you are?”

Adam looked at bottle in his hand. Was anywhere safe?

“Adam? Adam can you get somewhere safe?”  
“I want to go home!”  
“And I’m going to get you home but I need to know you’re going to be okay till I do.”  
“I’m hidden.”  
“Hidden is good. You did good Adam. I want you to stay where you are do you hear me? Stay hidden.”

Had he done well? He didn’t feel like he’d done well. What use was hidden after the fact? What good was it now?

“I’m going to call the police. They’re…”  
“No!”

No one could know. They couldn’t. No one could see him!

“Adam…”  
“No police. No…they…no Kris no police!”

Adam was finding it hard to catch his breath again. If people found out, if people knew!

“Adam calm down. Adam breathe! Come one, breathe for me. That’s it, that’s good. I won’t call the police I promise. But I am going to get Katy to come pick you up. Katy will come and pick you up okay?...Adam tell me what you’re going to do. Can you do that? Repeat to me what you’re going to do.”

Kris was sounding desperate again. He didn’t want to upset Kris, he never wanted to upset Kris.

“I’m going to wait here for Katy.”  
“Good, good. I have to go now, I don’t want to but I have to. Keep your phone on you. Just…I’ll see you in a short while I promise.”

Adam nodded, phone still in his hand, and then hung up. Kris would take care of it, take care of everything. He could rest now. Adam wrapped his arms around his knees and held the bottle out in front of him. It wasn’t much but it was better than nothing.****

 

** Scene Twenty-Nine **

Adam held onto Kris for all he was worth. He hated that Kris could see him like this but he craved the safety that Kris’s arms offered. He was embarrassed to think how he must look to Kris, sat in _his_ shower wearing _his_ boxers, bruises appearing all over his body. He knew that his face was rapidly swelling, that final kick to the head having left a cut on his temple. Hopefully it wasn’t bad enough to leave a permanent scar. He didn’t know how he’d deal with a permanent visual reminder of tonight. How would he ever look at himself again? How was he going to anyway, after what had happened.

He didn’t remember calling Kris but Katy and Lil had both assured him that he had. He knew that Kris was supposed to be in Vegas and felt really guilty that he was the reason Kris had come hurtling back to LA. But at the same time he hadn’t felt safe until he was in Kris’s arms. Katy and Lil had been sweet and kind and gentle but that slither of doubt, of worry, of fear, had stayed with him throughout. But with Kris, for whatever reason and Adam was too tired to question it, that fear was gone. The strong arms that surrounded him felt solid and secure. He felt protected, Kris would protect him.

He pulled Kris closer to him, shirt firmly gripped in his hands, not caring that he was getting him wet. What if this was the last time he got to do this? What if Kris didn’t want anything to do with him when he found out what had happen? What he’d let happen? What if Kris was disgusted? God, how was he going to tell Kris that he’d gotten piss all over not only his car but also his wife? Katy didn’t deserve that, none of them deserved to have been contaminated with that! But surely he didn’t either! Did he?

He was so tired, so confused. He…he’d had such a good day, he’d had such a nice day and now…and now what? Now what?****

 

** Scene Thirty **

Adam placed the phone back on the bedside table after saying goodbye to his mother. She had cried. She had cried and screamed and sobbed and it was his fault. He had made her cry. He lay back down in the bed and pulled the duvet over his head. He didn’t want to face anyone, didn’t want to see anyone. But they were waiting for him downstairs. They were all waiting. They all knew!

He couldn’t understand how none of them seemed to care. Kris had slept with him last night, had allowed him that comfort and he hadn’t been disgusted. Katy had helped him wash. Lil, well Adam was pretty sure that Lil had tried to wash his clothes if the snippets of conversation he’d caught throughout the night were anything to go by. How could they not think less of him? He hadn’t been able to fight back at all! He could have been…those...those men could have done anything to him and there was no way he could have stopped them.

He didn’t even want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about any of it at all. He just wanted to forget it ever happened. How was he going to forget? He just wanted to curl up on this bed and never get up, just disappear.

He lay there and shut the world out for about ten minutes but he couldn’t stop his thoughts. Every time he closed his eyes he would see the masked faces, hear the laughter. He’d passed out from exhaustion last night but sleep was not going to come easy now. He just wanted to not think about it. He wanted to think on anything but what had happened. Maybe joining the others for breakfast wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Fake it till you make it right? Well he could fake it with the best of them, he’d been doing it for years.****

 

** Scene Thirty-One **

“Katybear.”

Adam glanced at Katy as she stood in the doorway of the bathroom. She looked more nervous than he’d ever seen her.

“Adam there’s…Cassidy’s on the phone for you. He, well, he said…”

Of course Cass had heard. If everyone else had, and mainly through twitter, there was no way Cassidy would still be in the dark. Adam knew if Cassidy had heard, had probably seen, that he would be very much aware of when and where the attack had happened.

Adam turned around so that he was facing Katy, tried to smile at her even though it hurt his bruised face, and held out his hand for the phone.

“Are you sure, I mean I can tell him you’re…”

If Cassidy had been attacked while he was sitting blissfully unaware a few feet away Adam didn’t know how he’d deal with it. And he was a lot tougher skinned than Cass was.

Adam needed to focus on something that wasn’t him, that wasn’t the knowledge that the whole world could see what had happened. That his mother, father, fuck his brother, could and would see his face in that man’s...oh god...would hear what they had said to him! Every interview he ever gave from here on out would be held in the knowledge that the interviewer had seen him at his most vulnerable; at his weakest. Adam couldn’t think about it, couldn’t stop thinking about it. But comforting Cassidy was something he could do. Something he chose to do. Something that on any other day, schedule permitting, he would do in a heartbeat.

“I’m sure.”

Katy placed the phone in his hand and he motioned for both her and Kris to leave him alone. The questioning look Kris sent his way confused Adam for a second before he remembered that Kris had no reason to know that he’d been with Cassidy last night.

Kris’s protective streak had always amused Adam before; Adam had most certainly never needed protecting. But now it was a comfort, a familiar presence in the middle of this mess.

“Go, I’ll be fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Adam waited for Kris and Katy to leave the bathroom, closing the door behind them, before he spoke.

“Hey Cass.”  
“Oh god Adam. I, I saw...and Alisan has been calling all morning. And sweetie it’s...is it...”  
“It’s real Cass.”

Adam heard Cassidy start to cry on the other end of the phone.

“Oh god I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry! I should have known. I should have...was that, that was the fucking bar wasn’t it!”

Adam wanted to comfort Cassidy but he didn’t know what to say. Lie! Part of him felt that yes, Cassidy should have known! But how could he have? No one knew. No one helped. He was alone at the time, so fucking alone. But if no one else knew how would Cassidy know? It’s not like he was sitting inside the bar and ignoring what was happening outside. He just didn’t know.

“You couldn’t have known. How would you have known?”  
“I should have, I should have left with you, with two of us there...”  
“With two of us there they’d have attacked us both.”  
“It would have...we could have...two against six is a fairer fight!”

Adam froze at the mention of the number. How did Cassidy know? The video! There were six on the video!

“There were six of them?”  
“Didn’t you...didn’t you know?”  
“I couldn’t see them.”  
“Oh sweetie, honey I’m so sorry.”  
“Not your fault Cass.”

And that was the truth wasn’t it! It wasn’t Cassidy’s fault. And although Adam hadn’t planned to say it outright, hadn’t been sure he’d believed it, apparently he did because that was one of the easiest things he’d ever said. It wasn’t Cassidy’s fault. Maybe it was his own for being stupid enough to walk down that street. His own for not accepting the cab. His own for not being strong enough to fight them off. His own for being as obviously gay as he is. But not Cassidy’s, never Cass’s.

“But I should have. God Adam I’ll never forgive myself. And Alisan and Brad, they’ll blame me as well and they should, they should!”  
“They won’t blame you, they’re not idiots. And if they decide to act like one I’ll make sure to clue them in. Not your fault Cass. Really.”

Adam wanted to take this somewhere more comfortable. He knew Katy and Kris were waiting for him but this was important, this needed to be done now.

“What happened Adam? I mean, you left and you were fine.”

Adam opened the door to the bathroom.

“Uh huh.”  
“And you were heading straight home.”  
“Uh huh.”

Adam made his way up the stairs and into the bedroom he’d been sleeping in last night.

“God you were right outside weren’t you. You must hate me so much.”  
“No Cass, really.”  
“Adam I’m so sorry.”  
“I know sweetie I know. And yes, I was outside but I don’t blame you. I would never blame you. God, if it had been the other way round, if you’d left first...”

Adam didn’t want to think of the possibility, couldn’t think of what might have happened.

“I wish it had been.”  
“No Cass, never say that. Never even think that! You hear me!”  
“I’m sorry. I...”

Adam listened as Cassidy continued to talk. He encouraged where encouragement was needed, he chastised when Cassidy got overly dramatic. But he had stopped fully listening as soon as he’d entered the bedroom. He was just so tired.

A knock on the door pulled his thoughts back to the present. Cassidy was talking about some of the messages he was getting on twitter; some of the hate.

Adam moved over to the door and pulled it open and nearly slumped with relief; his Mom had arrived.****

 

** Scene Thirty-Two **

Adam didn’t mean to flinch he really didn’t. He knew that his father wouldn’t hurt him but...but...but he was just so big. Even with as tall as Adam had gotten his dad always seemed to dwarf him. His mind and his heart knew that he was not a threat but his size reminded Adam too much of the man with the knife. The hand he placed in Adam’s hair as he pulled him into a hug made was too similar to the hand in his hair as he was pulled into the man’s crotch.

It was instinctual to pull back. It was a reaction he couldn’t curb. But the hurt on his father’s face as he twisted out of his grip still made him feel guilty.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.”  
“Nothing to be sorry for son.”

His father’s words said one thing but the look in his eyes said another. He needed to clear that look from his father’s eyes. It didn’t matter if it was a lie, a lie was better than that look.

Reaching out Adam tentatively took a hold of his father’s sleeve and pulled him towards him. His dad let him take control of the situation. He didn’t pull him into his arms instead waiting for Adam to wrap his arms around him. Adam had to make himself relax into the embrace. Why was Kris so easy to hug but his father scared him? His dad had never done anything to make him afraid but Adam wanted out of the hug as quick as possible.****

 

** Scene Thirty-Three **

Adam lay on his bed. He could hear the rumble of talk from his Mom, Dad and brother in his kitchen. He loved that they were all here for him but he was feeling crowded. He’d not been alone for any longer than it took to go to the toilet since Katy and Lil found him the other night.

He raised his hands above his head and rested them on the pillow. It was weird to think that Kris, Katy and Lil weren’t around. They’d been such a constant presence in his life these past few days that he wasn’t sure what to do without them. Sure, he’d still see them regularly, probably every day, but they weren’t a few rooms away. He loved his family but it was different to have them around as opposed to his friends. Lil was a mother but she wasn’t his mother. Kris was a brother but wasn’t his. And Katy, well okay, Katy wasn’t a father but she sure as hell had he strength of one.

Adam knew that at some point his family would have to go back to their own lives, even though Neil hadn’t given him the date of his flight back to New York yet, and Adam was afraid to become reliant on them. His friendships would always be a two way street but it would be so easy to let his parents do everything for him like they did when he was a child. And Adam was worried that he’d be alone when they left; which was crazy because he was currently desperate to be alone. He was in his room pretending to be asleep so that he didn’t have to make conversation with them. But the idea of being in the house by himself scared the crap out of him and he wasn’t afraid to admit it. He couldn’t go online because all anyone was talking about was him. He couldn’t turn the television on because that video was being shown on a constant loop. When he was by himself he was really by himself; there was no one and nothing around. And it scared him.

 

** Scene Thirty-Four **

Brad and Lil were dancing around the living room, competing over who could do the best Beyonce impression. Katy was laughing on the sofa, jiggling around doing the occasional move and calling out encouragement to both of them. Adam watched as Kris stopped playing around on his guitar and looked at his wife lovingly as she laughed. He wanted that! He wanted to be looked at like that.

A hand on his shoulder made him jump.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Neil looked genuinely apologetic so Adam smiled at him. He needed to offer the olive branch. They hadn’t spoken all day since their last argument over Adam’s current decision to never leave the house.

Neil opened his mouth to speak, he looked nervous and determined.

“Please don’t. I really don’t have the energy for this right now Neil.”

Adam hated how tired he sounded, how broken. He knew Neil was only trying to help but it wasn’t working. It didn’t make him want to leave the house, it just made him feel bad for not wanting to. Every time he set foot outside his front door for anything other than a trip to Kris’s he started to panic. The idea of anyone seeing him, the idea of everyone judging him, was a stronger incentive to stay inside than the fear of being attacked again.

“I was just going to tell you that the bonfire is ready.”

Adam was relieved that he had finally decided what to do with his clothes from that night. He would burn them, jacket and all. He didn’t want them, he didn’t want to bin them, and he sure as hell didn’t want to sell them. So they would burn them. It would be cleansing. He really hoped it would be closure.

Adam looked at his brother and saw the struggle warring within him. He hated that he was responsible for putting that look on Neil’s face. He only meant well but if Adam didn’t know what he needed to do how could Neil possibly have a clue?****

 

**Scene Thirty-Five**

Adam fidgeted as he sat in the studio. Kris was inside the recording booth while Adam sat with the producer. It wasn’t the real world but it was the closest he’d gotten to it in months. The small confined space was comforting; he knew there were no unwanted viewers. And Kris had informed anyone who needed to know that Adam would be here with him today before they even left the house so no one had approached him.

Listening as Kris poured his heart out into the microphone Adam felt like he’d been punched in the chest. The songs Kris was singing weren’t finished, they were snippets of what he knew they would become, but the emotion in them was already clear for all to hear. It was odd to record sections from songs before the songs were finished but Kris had insisted, saying that he needed to get this out of him.

As Kris ripped out his heart right in front of him Adam was honoured that he was trusted enough to be allowed to hear this. Moved that he was, at least partially, the catalyst. Without all the tarting up that would happen to the songs in the production phase they were almost unlistenable; too raw, too painful.

Adam knew that Kris was dealing with everything that had happened in these songs and he wished he had an outlet like this. But he couldn’t sing about it. He couldn’t. He’d worked so hard to keep himself from breaking open that if he allowed himself the freedom to do so in the studio and when he was writing he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop. He wanted control over his life again but he didn’t know how to get it.****

 

**Scene Thirty-Six **

Adam stared at his reflection in the mirror. He was barely holding it together and he knew it. He’d been faking it for so long, and not very successfully, but he just couldn’t continue anymore. Choosing an outfit for tonight had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He felt like rather than moving forward he’d simply gone round in a circle. How had he not realised that instead of being on a rollercoaster he’d been on a carousel this entire time?

He could hear his and Cassidy’s conversation from that night. He could hear their laughter, he could taste the gin. What if tonight ended up as his previous night out had? What if it happened again? And there were going to be others there this time. What if Alisan got hurt, or Cassidy or Ferras? God what if Brad did?

Adam picked up his eye liner and moved it to his face but his hand wouldn’t stop shaking. What made him think he was possibly capable of this? Sure he’d made it to the store yesterday, and to park last week, but out clubbing? What the fuck was he thinking?

But he must go, he had to go. He hadn’t seen Cassidy since that night. He’d heard rumours, and he didn’t like the sound of them, but he needed to see him with his own eyes. He was pretty sure that Cassidy needed to be seen just as badly.

Studying his reflection Adam looked at where the cut on his temple had been. There was no sign of it. He had no physical scars of that night at all. That was good, that would be good when he saw Cass. He didn’t have to show just how fucked up he still was.

Adam once again moved the liner to his eye and attempted to draw along the bottom lid but his hand was shaking so badly that he messed it up. Reaching across the counter to pick up a tissue his hand brushed something. A second later the sound of glass smashing and the smell of beer threw him back into his nightmare.****

 

**Scene Thirty-Seven**

“So Adam, why do you think you’re here?”  
“Because I’m crazy?”  
“Crazy is a term we don’t like to use, and even if we did I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t apply to you. Was it your decision to come?”  
“Yeah, I mean, Neil, my brother, is seeing someone and I think it’s helping him and I want to get better. I can’t keep going like this, it’s too fucking tiring.”  
“What’s too tiring?”  
“Everything.”  
“What’s everything?”  
“My life, my whole life. Everything.”**  
******

 

**Scene Thirty-Eight **

Adam stood on the rehearsal stage. The band was taking a break but he wanted to get used to the feeling of being on stage again so he had stayed. He still wasn’t sure he was making the right decision by going back on tour but enough was enough. It had been 8 months, he needed to do something. Otherwise they won and he was not going to let them fucking win.

He was holding a water bottle up to his mouth, pretending it was a mike, and singing quietly into it. He walked around getting a feel for the stage, for the imaginary audience. But he wasn’t singing one of his songs. Instead he was making his way through one of Kris’s newest songs, something that was untitled but they referred to as ‘Break and Build’, or simply ‘The Song’. When Kris had first sung it to him he’d had to leave the room. It had been everything he was feeling and everything he felt he should be feeling at the same time and it was too much. But the tune had been so simple and so lovely that he’d asked Kris to teach it to him. Kris had agreed not to put it on the album and it had become their unofficial anthem; he’d even heard Lil humming it to herself one day in his garden. No one had recorded it, they probably never would, but it had become the song he retreated into when his nerves overcame him. And walking around on that make do stage, imagining all the people waiting to see, some of them only there to see him fall, he needed the emotional bump that the song gave him.

The door to the room burst open and Adam watched as the figure ran in and jumped onto makeshift stage. Seeing the tears streaming down Brad’s face Adam opened his arms and pulled him close.

“I can’t do it anymore Adam. I can’t. He...he won’t listen to anyone and I know Alisan thinks I’m being too hard and I should be more understanding but I can’t watch anymore.”

Adam rubbed his back trying to offer some form of comfort.

“Can’t watch what?”  
“Cass, I can’t watch him ruin his life I just can’t. I won’t.”  
“That bad?”  
“Worse. I know he feels guilty and maybe for a while a tiny part of me blamed him too but I was wrong. And I hid it from him because even at the time I knew I was wrong. I can’t make him fucking see it. I want to force him to see that it wasn’t his fault!”  
“You can’t.”  
“I know I can’t but...I can’t watch either. Don’t make me watch him do this.”  
“It’s only been a few months sweetie. Don’t write him off yet.”

Adam felt Brad sigh against his chest.

“I just...fuck it all got so complicated.”

Adam couldn’t help but laugh at the understatement. Soon he was joined by Brad and the two of them were still laughing, wrapped around each other, when Adam’s band rejoined them.

Brad pulled away first.

“Can I stay and watch?”  
“No you cannot! It’s a surprise?”  
“But...”  
“No buts. You get to see it on opening night like everyone else.”  
“But Kris, Neil...I have to know something more about it than them!! It will kill the runt if I do!”  
“Alright, but only to torture Neil and Kris with. Let me just say the word...”  
“I swear if flaming headdress comes out of your mouth I’m going kidnap Tommy until you gain some sense!”  
“As much as I’m sure Tommy’s quaking in his boots at the idea that is not what I was going to say. I was just going to say the word T-Rex.”  
“You mean?”  
“I mean.”

Adam and Brad shared a smile as the band set up around him. He ushered Brad out of the door and retook his position with his group.

“You ready?”

Adam turned to face Monty at his words. He would be honest; he needed to be honest for this to work. There was no point in lying to himself or anyone else anymore, it had gotten him nowhere.

He smiled at his band.

“Not even slightly but we’ve got all month. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us, better get started bitches.”

Adam turned back to the front, held his bottle up to his mouth, and got ready to sing.****

 

**Scene Thirty-Nine**

“Listen up. Ten minutes. You have ten minutes to get your ass in gear and then you are going to go out there and wow everyone. Let them know that you’re back and you’re not going anywhere. It was your choice to start with such a big concert, you could have done what everyone suggested and started smaller to ease you in but oh no, you had to do it your way didn’t you! Now you’re going to go out there and give those people the best concert of their lives. Remember, if you feel nervous at any point you know exactly where everyone is sitting, Kris made sure of that. And you saw the sign that Mom made. Shit, she pretty much bought all the glitter in the store. It’ll be pretty fucking hard to miss. Remember that they’re all there, even Cass, although he did look a little out of it...no, not now, don’t do this now, you’ll deal with him when the tour is over! Get yourself back, then you'll help him, that’s a promise. But they’re all here for you, to support you. No one is here to see you fail. They want you to succeed. They want you to do well. You’re going to do well. You’re going to kick fucking ass is what you’re going to do.”  
“Adam, are you ready?”  
“One minute GlitterBaby.”  
“Who are you talking to in there?”  
“Just my reflection.”  
“Is it arguing back?”  
“Don’t you know it.”  
“Well tell it that I’ll kick its ass if it upsets you. You’re gonna be great.”  
“Good to see you’re optimistic.”  
“Nah, I’m just a realist.”  
“You’d better go get ready Tommy.”  
“Okay, I’ll see you on stage!”  
“I’ll be the one glittering at the front...See, Tommy thinks it’ll be fine. I think it’ll be fine. I know it’ll be fine. It’ll be better than fine. It’ll be fan-fucking-tastic. Look at you. Nine months dude, make it worth it. Make this worth it...”  
“Adam?”  
“Monty I’m fine, I’ll be there in a second.”  
“Okay dude.”  
“See, they care, and they’re all still here. You’re still here. And you’re going to be...”  
“Dude?”  
“Oh for the love of...”  
“Just wanted to wish you luck. Check you were okay.”  
“Kristopher Allen go back to the audience. I’m not waiting for you and if you miss the opening number I’ll know.”  
“Of course you’ll know, Neil’ll rat me out.”  
“He always was a tattletale.”  
“You’re sure you’re okay?”  
“Kris!”  
“I’m going I’m going.”

Adam looked at himself in the mirror. His hand moved through his hair positioning the odd untamed strand until it was exactly as he wanted it. He picked up the tub of glitter next to him and shook it lightly over his head. It rained down on him.

“I don’t care what they say, you can never have too much glitter!”

Adam’s glanced over at the newspaper lying on the table. He picked it up and stared once again at the headline declaring his attackers’ seven year sentences. He didn’t want revenge he just wanted justice, whatever the hell that meant. And if this was what he got than this was what he would take. His parents had taken over the social charge, the propagation of change, he just wanted to sing. He’d think about everything else once he had that again. He looked at the paper for a few seconds and then threw it in the trash can.

“It’s done. It’s over. Let’s move on once and for all. No more hiding. And those people out there, those people are waiting for you. You’re going to give them something good to remember you for, and fuck it, even if you don’t fully succeed at least you’ll be able to say you tried.”  
“Adam, five minutes.”  
“I’m coming.”

Adam looked at himself once more in the mirror and nodded at his reflection. He followed the stage hand out of the dressing room and up to the stage. The closer he got to the stage the louder the screams and cheers got. Making sure his ear piece was secured he stood at the side of the stage and jumped up and down a little. He glanced briefly out into the auditorium and saw all his friends and family. He watched as Kris rushed up the group and moved into his seat next to Katy. His mother gave Kris a look and Adam saw him nod his head. Neil slapped Kris on the back and even from backstage Adam could hear his woop.

Adam accepted the hugs that his band cautiously gave him, hugging back just as tightly. The lights in the venue went down and the screams got louder; it was almost deafening. The band walked onto the stage and Adam moved onto the podium behind the giant sheet of gauze. The intro to ‘For Your Entertainment’ started and again the screams increased. The adrenaline was nearly overwhelming. God he’d missed this. The lights started to strobe, lasers to dance, the atmosphere of a club recreated on stage.

Adam took a deep breath, channelling the adrenaline into a manageable level. He raised his fist to the sky and waited for the spotlight to hit him, silhouetting him behind the gauze. He closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and let his fears go.****

 

**Scene Forty**

Adam stood on the bar and waved his hands to get everyone’s attention. When his friends and family had quietened down he smiled around the room at them.

“Firstly can I just say thank you for coming here today. I know that some of you, okay most of you, thought that this was a stupid, and possibly bad idea. So I, we, appreciate that you all came anyway.”  
“Oh God, you’re going to get sentimental on us aren’t you!”  
“Shut it runt! It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.”  
“You’ll become a cliché if you want to as well.”  
“Brad!”

Lil’s children laughed as Brad exaggeratedly rubbed his arm where Lil had smacked him. Adam smiled at them.

“Anyway, like I was saying, thank you for coming.”

Adam looked down at the person stood next to the bar by his feet. He held out his hand and pulled Cassidy up onto the bar with him. Cassidy looked embarrassed and Adam slung his arm around his shoulder to comfort him.

“Anyway, why we’re here. Five years ago today in this very bar Cass here was doing his best to lay down the groundwork so he could have sex with...god, what was his name? Ah, yeah, Twoey. So anyway, Cass and I were sat over there in that booth...”

Adam pointed at the booth where years ago he and Cassidy had sat.

“...while Adam Two bought us drinks and planning how amazing man-eating plants would be for a tour.”  
“So it’s Cass’s fault I spent last year wrapped in foliage!”

Cassidy glared at Adam as he laughed at Tommy.

“Nope, Cass didn’t see the brilliance of the idea either. But anyway, there we were, talking sets, discussing my reprobate of a younger brother, and checking out Twoey’s rather fantastic ass.”

Adam grinned at Cassidy

“It was, I think I’m right in saying, a wonderful night. Then, as you all know, it went rather spectacularly wrong.”

Adam felt Cassidy begin to pull away a little and hugged him tighter.

“We have all, every single one of us in this room, spent the past 5 years dealing with that night. Even if we didn’t know you at the time you have come into our lives since then and therefore you have had to deal with it as well. But you know what? We got through, all of us. And yes, some things changed along the way but not all of it was bad. Lil’s kids have a new, and incredibly sparkly, uncle. Kris has a Grammy along with many other awards. Katy got more stuff she has to dust because Kris is too cheap to hire a cleaner, sorry honey, you kinda lost out there.”

Katy laughed as Kris planted his face in the crook of her neck shaking his head.

“Dad’s become an activist, which, slightly strange but still kinda cool. Neil’s gotten a regular column in the New York Times in which to spill his vitriol every week because everyone needs a hobby.”

Adam returned the finger that Neil was giving him...and then quickly retracted it as Lil cleared her throat and motioned to her children.

“Sorry. And me and Cass...well we got a second chance at life. So I just wanted to say thank you for all the support that you’ve given me, given both of us, since that night. And I wanted to do it here because, well, a little fu...eff you never hurt anyone. We’re taking back this bar!”

Calls of agreement and cheers came from every area of the room. He smiled around at his friends and family, always still slightly amazed at just how many of them there were, of just how much he loved them.

“Now, if someone would like to start the music we’ve got a party to have.”

Adam started to make his way off of the bar but was stopped as Cassidy pulled him into a full body hug. Adam could hear the music and conversation start up in the background.

“Adam, thank you. For everything.”  
“There’s nothing to thank me for.”

Cassidy pulled away and looked Adam straight in the eye.

“Yes there is. I know I didn’t make it easy...”  
“Understatement of the year.”

Adam made sure his tone stayed light and smiled at his friend to know that he was teasing.

“Yeah yeah I know. But...I really can’t thank you enough for what you did.”  
“You did all the hard work babyboy. I just shoved you in the right direction.”  
“I couldn’t have done it without you. I didn’t manage to do it without you. You gave me my second chance.”  
“Well I was just passing it on.”  
“Huh?”  
“You’ll see. One day you’ll do the same for someone else.”  
“Oh, right. Actually, there’s this kid in my meetings who I’ve been having coffee with.”  
“Coffee coffee, or just coffee?”  
“Just coffee. He’s straight, and a kid, and that would be such a bad idea anyway.”  
“Well I had to ask. You never...”  
“Are you two ever getting off of that bar? Because Katy needs someone to dance with and it sure as hell ain’t gonna be me.”

Adam turned to face Kris who was looking up at them with a grin on his face.

“You’re refusing to dance with your wife Kristopher?”  
“I’m refusing to dance to The Chemical Brothers!”  
“I think you’d look cute dancing to this.”  
“Bad Cass, no flirting with Kris!”  
“I might want to be flirted with!”  
“Oh honey, all you ever had to do was say.”

Adam jumped off of the bar. He reached over a patted Kris on the cheek. He started towards where he could see Katy.

“Come on then, lead the way to my favourite Allen.”  
“You’re not as funny as you think you are!”

Adam glanced back at Cassidy who was being pulled to the dance floor by Brad. He turned back to Kris and bumped him with his shoulder.

“Maybe I’m not. But way I figure it is, there’s only so much perfect that can be in one person and if I have to let comedy go for the sake of something else, that’s a trade I’m willing to make.”  
“You see, that’s where you’re wrong. Cause I’m hysterical, cute and talented.”

Adam laughed out loud at Kris’s response and they made their way over to Katy. As Adam pulled her, and Kris, into a dance he couldn’t help but be swept up by his love for them; his love for everyone in the room. He meant what he’d said. The past 5 years had been tough, recovering from the attack had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. But he’d made it. They all had. And he was stronger for it. And here, in the middle of his friends and family, dancing with two of his favourite people in the world, Adam wouldn’t change any of it.

 


End file.
